Raj: But before I take my shirt off, I need like ten minutes to do some crunches.

Raj: So you have tattoos?
Emily: Yeah.
Raj: I don't. I have a hole in my belly button that may or may not have been a piercing.
Emily: That's cool.
Raj: It's a piercing.

Leonard: So I'm like a bran muffin?
Penny: What? No, that's not what I'm saying.
Leonard: No, that's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.
Penny: What does it matter? I'm choosing you.
Leonard: It matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a cinnabon, a strawberry pop tart. Something you're excited about, even if it could give you diabetes.
Penny: Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.

Howard: What took you so long? The grocery store's only a few blocks away.
Bernadette: They only had regular yogurt. I had to go a different store to get the extra-fat kind your mom likes.

Leonard: Come on. How can you be sad when you're going home with all five foot six of this?
Penny: You think you're five foot six? That's funny.

Bernadette: After two days of taking care of her, excuse me for stopping to get a mocha?
Howard: A mocha?! Well, it must be nice to be Queen.

Sheldon: How many women have you had dates with?
Raj: Eleven.
Sheldon: How many of those women did you think would become your perfect companion?
Raj: Eleven.
Raj: Wait, do I count the 200lb Sailor Moon girl that Howard and I had a threesome with at Comic-Con?
Sheldon: Sure.
Raj: I'll stick with eleven. She liked Howard better.

Bernadette: I'm glad I got that mocha. And you know what else I'm glad about? I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!

Leonard: What about when you did Anne Frank at that cute little theater?
Penny: It was above a bowling alley.
Leonard: Yeah, but there was ample parking.

Leonard: And you were so good in the commercial.
Penny: It was for haemorrhoid cream.
Leonard: And I got itchy and swolen just watching you.

Penny: You know the only thing worse than a movie where they glue monkey hair to your ass, is getting fired from a movie where they glue monkey hair to your ass.

Wil Wheaton: Penny, it's not about being famous. It's about the art. It's about the passion we have for our craft. *cell phone beeps* I have an audition for Sharnkado 2! If I book this, I am so going to pay you back for this beer.

Wil Wheaton: Forget it, man. It's crap. Just move on to the next thing.
Penny: It's easy for you to say. You used to be famous.
Wil Wheaton: Hey, I just lost a job for you.
Penny: Okay, I'm sorry. You're famous.

Sheldon: Have you had intercourse?
Raj: No.
Sheldon: Well stick to your guns. There'll be a lot of pressure.

Raj: Wouldn't you be upset if you saw Amy out with someone else?
Sheldon: Can't happen. We have an iron-clad relationship agreement which precludes her from sexual contact with anyone other than me.
Raj: But you don't have sex with her either.
Sheldon: Slick, huh?