Penny: So, what did we miss?
Alfred Hofstadter: Oh, just Mary and I getting to know each other a little.
Mary Cooper: Leonard, your father is just charming.
Beverly Hofstadter: He's also broke. Did he mention that?

Penny: You know, Beverly, I know you and Alfred have your differences, but if you think about it, if you hadn't married him, there'd be no Leonard. So that's good, right?
Beverly Hofstadter: (unemphatic) Yeah.

Alfred Hofstadter: Now, one of the more exciting things to be found recently is that Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens frequently mated with each other.
Mary Cooper: Well, that certainly explains my marriage to Sheldon's father.
Sheldon: That's funny because my father was not a very clever man.
Amy: I'd be lost without you.

Bernadette: Come on, Howard, you're overreacting.
Howard: Am I? Am I? What do you want to bet some black ops guy is reprinting my high school yearbook and I'm no longer in it? That chess club picture is now just David Zimmerman and Elaine Cho.

Penny: Hey, look, then forget about her, let's do it for us. We could keep it small and informal. This time we can invite our families.
Leonard: Is your brother out of prison?
Penny: Thanks to overcrowding, yeah.

Leonard: I'd love it if my dad could come.
Penny: Oh, you have to invite him. I haven't seen him since the divorce.
Leonard: Oh, he's like a different man. He stopped twitching, and I think he grew an inch and a half.

Mary Cooper: So who else is coming to this shindig?
Amy: Oh, well, the usual gang. Penny's family is coming tomorrow.
Sheldon: Yeah, and Leonards mother's already here.
Mary Cooper: Oh. Beverly. How nice.
Amy: You've met her, right?
Mary Cooper: Yes, I have. (reveals her cross necklace)
Sheldon: Mother, she's an atheist, not a vampire.
Mary Cooper: Either way, let's stop and get some garlic.

Sheldon: Hey, good news, I just got off the phone with my mother. She is coming to the wedding.
Penny: Okay, wait, you're inviting people to our wedding?
Sheldon: Yes, I'm inviting people to our wedding. Yeah, I've already asked Stephen Hawking and Robert Downey Jr, and, now don't get your hopes up, 'cause he's pretty busy, but Erno Rubik.
Bernadette: Who's Erno Rubik?
Sheldon: Seriously? He invented the Rubik's Cube.
Penny: Okay, fine, but why would you invite him to our wedding?
Sheldon: Because, despite his fame and fortune, he strikes me as a lonely man.

Mary Cooper: So, Alfred, what is it that you do for a living?
Alfred Hofstadter: Oh, I'm an anthropologist. I study ancient peoples and cultures.
Mary Cooper: My goodness, so all the way back to the Flood.
Sheldon: Don't laugh, she wasn't joking.
Amy: Play with your phone.

Leonard: All right, you two, don't start. Penny and I are throwing this second wedding for your benefit. Can you please not ruin it?
Alfred Hofstadter: Of course. I'm sorry.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, look at that, you can apologize.
Leonard: Mom.
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm sorry.
Mary Cooper: You know, the Bible says forgiveness-
Sheldon: Mom.
Mary Cooper: I'm sorry.
Penny: Uh, who's hungry? We have a reservation at the best restaurant in town.
Sheldon: It only got three-and-a-half stars on Yelp.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: I'm not sorry. That's true.

Mary Cooper: Thank you for picking me up.
Sheldon: Oh, you're welcome.
Mary Cooper: I was speaking to your young lady.
Amy: My pleasure, Mrs. Cooper.
Mary Cooper: Oh, please call me Mary.
Amy: Okay, Mary.
Sheldon: You know, that doesn't work for me, let's stay with Mrs. Cooper.
Mary Cooper: Sheldon, don't be silly.
Sheldon: Wh-, what? That's what I called you 'til I got to know you better.

Sheldon: (To Alfred) If I'd known you were broke, I wouldnt have made a big deal about the bread. (Moves a basket of bread over to Alfred)

Leonard: And, of course, Mom.
Alfred Hofstadter: Hello, my hateful shrew.
Beverly Hofstadter: Hello to you, you wrinkled old bastard.
Sheldon: All right, now I'm starting to sense a little tension.

Leonard: What is happening there?
Sheldon: I think it's pretty obvious. They don't want dessert 'cause they filled up on bread.

Mary Cooper: It was so nice of Leonard and Penny to invite me.
Sheldon: Well, actually, I-
Amy: It sure was.