Penny: Well, then it's settled. Yay. So funny. I never thought my second marriage would be to you.

Mary Cooper: All right, everyone, calm down. Let's all remember what it says in the Bible: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty."
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, dear woman, can you please read another book?
Mary Cooper: When God writes one, I will.

Sheldon: (To Alfred) If I'd known you were broke, I wouldnt have made a big deal about the bread. (Moves a basket of bread over to Alfred)

Penny: You really want me to pick up your mother all by myself?
Leonard: Hmm, I just feel like it would be a good chance for you to bond.
Penny: Or a way for you to avoid her?
Leonard: I don't know what he's putting on those cards, but you are smarter than ever.

Penny: Wow. Okay. Well, um, how about this? Maybe while you're still in town, Leonard and I could have another small ceremony. You know, if you're interested.
Beverly: I would find that perfectly acceptable.
Penny: She would find it perfectly acceptable. You guys saw it. We bonded!

Sheldon: What about Joss Whedon's work makes you think he'd be okay with rule-breakers and line-cutters?
Guy: The Avengers are rule-breakers. Being vengeful is in their job description.
Sheldon: They work for SHIELD, which is a sanctioned department of the U.S. Government. Do you work for a sanctioned department of the U.S. Government?
Guy: As a matter of fact I do. At a little place called the DMV.
Raj: He's got him there. The D even stands for department.

Penny: Wow. Didn't even make it out of the parking lot. Uh, you know what, enough about Leonard. Let's talk about you. What would you like to do while you're here?
Beverly: Dear, I'm a psychiatrist. You don't have to avoid having intimate conversations with me.
Penny: Well, I'd actually like for us to be close, but maybe we start with our favourite books and work our way up to my husband's sex organs.
Beverly: Very well. What's the last book you read?
Penny: Um, does Pottery Barn, Spring count?

Penny: Okay, you know what? This is ridiculous. I've been trying to make a connection with you all day, and clearly I'm getting nowhere.
Beverly: Well, are you seeking a connection or just some form of validation?
Penny: What I was seeking was some sort of friendship. But at this point, I'll take you not insulting me to my face.
Beverly: My intention was never to insult you.
Penny: You've been doing it all day. Do you even know what an insult is?
Beverly: Well, it's not a clinical term. But one example would be your marrying my son, and not inviting me or even telling me the wedding was taking place.
Penny: Okay, good example.

Beverly: Penny, it's only natural to want your mother-in-law to like you, and I acknowledge I can be an intimidating person. So what can I do to make this process easier for you?
Penny: Uh, for starters, maybe you can not psychoanalyze everything I say?
Beverly: And how does it make you feel when I psychoanalyze everything you say?
Penny: Uncomfortable.
Beverly: That was a joke, dear.
Penny: Oh. Sorry. Didn't know you made those.

Penny: You know, she's my mother-in-law. Why can't I bond with her like that?
Bernadette: Amy's with Sheldon, who she loves like a son. You're with her son, who she doesn't.

Amy: Do you realize it took me five years to get a massage from him?
Beverly: Oh, well, that still could be a big step for Sheldon.
Amy: Three minutes. And he used a kitchen timer. I felt like a soft-boiled egg.

Leonard: Hey, how'd it go?
Sheldon: It went well. Yeah, I've learned that if you never say you're sorry, the times you do really puts them on their heels. Uh, Stuart, I relieve you of your line duties.

Penny: You really think we made a mistake?
Beverly: At the time I did. But I've never seen Leonard so happy, so perhaps I was wrong.

Howard: You look like you come with a kickstand.
Raj: You can't make me feel bad.
Howard: Hmm, maybe not. Leonard?
Leonard: So, when the aliens brought you back, they just left the probe in?

Penny: Fine, if you really want me to, I will pick your mom up.
Leonard: Seriously?
Penny: Yeah, you know what, she is my mother-in-law and I'd like for us to have a good relationship.
Leonard: That is very mature of you. So I'm gonna go ahead and say, suckah.