Sheldon: Leonard, I've got terrible news.
Leonard: What's going on?
Sheldon: Before I tell you, perhaps I should soften the blow. Your face is pleasingly symmetrical.
Leonard: Just tell me.
Sheldon: A Swedish team of physicists is trying to scoop our super-fluid vortex experiment.
Leonard: Oh, well, that kind of stinks.
Sheldon: "That kind of stinks?" Why aren't you more upset? Did I soften the blow too much? Because this here (Leonard's face) is more like a Picasso painting.

Howard: If you need liquid helium so bad, I know a guy who can get you some, if you don't ask too many questions.
Leonard: Who is he?
Sheldon: Where does he work?
Leonard: How does he get the helium?
Sheldon: How many questions are too many questions?
Howard: Maybe he's not for you.
Sheldon: Four questions. The answer's four.

Bernadette: He's using some kind of dating app on his phone.
Penny: Oh, which one? Maybe we can get Amy to try it.
Bernadette: I don't know. Stuart, can you come in here? He tried to explain it to me.
It shows you pictures of people nearby, you swipe them around, it looks kind of like a game.
Penny: Oh, and if you lose the game, you have to go out with Stuart.

Stuart: What's up?
Bernadette: Can you show us that dating app?
Sutart: Oh, yeah, sure. This thing has changed my life.
Penny: Wow. So how many girls have you met?
Stuart: Two. I probably don't need to mention there's an entire number between that and zero.

Raj: Uh, no no, uh, definitely not.
Howard: What was wrong with that guy?
Raj: Uh, he's Indian. We've already got one of those.
Ooh, we should find a nice Latino. Really round us out.

Leonard: Look, you can trust us. We're respected scientists.
Sheldon: Well, he is. I'm a wedding planner, who can't find love himself. It's ironic, but the point is, we can't trust you. You're a sketchy character in a parking garage.
Dealer: Yeah, well, from my perspective, that's how you two appear to me.
Sheldon: Well, I never thought of it like that. Boy, frame of reference will just sneak up on you, won't it?

Dealer: No money, no helium. Seems we're at a, uh, stalemate.
Sheldon: Not technically. In chess, a stalemate refers to a situation in which there are no remaining moves.
Uh, you have plenty of moves available. You could beat us up and steal the money. You could kill us, you know.
Really, you're only limited by your imagination.

Dealer: It's a shame about those scientists ripping you off. I expected a higher ethical standard from our friends in Sweden.

Penny: Okay, does everyone remember the rules? If he's shirtless, one sip. Posing with a pet, two sips. Pet and shirtless, chug like it's your job.

Leonard: Did you hear about this study that found people that were cool and popular at 13 have problems succeeding later in life?
Raj: Hmm. I'm doing okay, and I was very popular at 13.
Penny: In school?
Raj: Oh, no. At home. The servants would sing to me, laugh at my jokes. I wish I knew their names.

Penny: Does the study say what happens to the unpopular kids?
Leonard: You tell me. You woke up in bed with one.

Bernadette: Look, I get that you grew up here and you're attached to things looking a certain way, but I want this to feel like my house, too.
Howard: Oh, honey, of course it's your house. Why else would you be cleaning it all the time?

Bernadette: All right. Let's start over. I'm redecorating. The furniture, the carpeting, the walls. I'm changing everything that depresses me when I look at it. Try not to be one of those things.

Wil Wheaton: I told you, this guy is gold!

Bernadette: Whatcha doing?
Howard: Oh! Making myself a bologna sandwich like my mom used to make me after my dad left, but before she died.