Howard: When you're in a public restroom, which foot do you flush the toilet with?
Sheldon: Right. Always right.
Howard: He's a righty.

Amy: Have you thought about advertising directly to females?
Stuart: Hmm, okay. Well, all right. What if I put up a sign in the window that said, "Women, come in. Don't be afraid."?

Stuart: I mean, what can I do? I get so nervous around women.
Penny: Well, you're talking to us now. I mean, you don't seem nervous.
Stuart: Well, that's 'cause I'm doing that trick where you imagine the audience is naked. By the way, thumbs up, ladies.
Amy: Do you not hear how creepy that sounds?
Stuart: It was a joke.
Bernadette: Was it?
Stuart: No, I'm still doing it.

Sheldon: Besides, a bar is where I belong. I'm having female problems.
Leonard: If you're cranky and retaining water, I have a theory.

Sheldon: How about you?
Older Woman: I'm married, and I'm her grandmother.
Sheldon: Ah, what might have been.

Amy: I said no.
Sheldon: Interesting. I asked two women out today, and they both said no.
Amy: I didn't know you were interested in dating.
Sheldon: I've been told it's a good way to move on.

Amy: Sheldon I can tell you want to go, so if you'd be comfortable with it, maybe we could go as friends.
Sheldon: You don't think that will be awkward?
Amy: Well it is Thanksgiving in an aquarium cafeteria, so I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say yes. But if you mean between us I think it'll be fine.

Emily: Are you and I close enough for me to say that's creepy?
Bernadette: We are, and I believe the word you're looking for is eugh!

Howard: Well, what if you make an appointment as a patient? Then you'll get to talk to her.
Penny: Yeah, they already know I'm a pharmaceutical sales rep.
Raj: Oh. What if Leonard made an appointment and tried to lay some groundwork for you?
Penny: That's interesting.
Leonard: I'm not gonna make a fake appointment with a psychiatrist. What would I say is wrong with me?
Raj: Low self-esteem.
Howard: Social anxiety.
Sheldon: Sexual insecurity.
Leonard: None of that is true.
Penny: Uh, denial. See, sweetie, the list goes on and on.

Raj: A medium-sized asteroid.
Sheldon: That's it? How common. That's the chicken fingers on the menu of space.
Raj: I kind of like chicken fingers.
Sheldon: Yeah, me, too. I was stuck for a metaphor.

Bernadette: Boy, when was the last time Stuart cleaned this place?
Howard: No kidding. Oh, okay, I'm about to suck something up. What do you think this object sounds like?
Bernadette: Howie, I don't want to play Lego, Toenail or Pill anymore.

Stuart: (watching Howard and Bernadette sleep) I really miss this.

Sheldon: Oh, I got a letter from my Meemaw. Smell this.
Penny: What is that?
Sheldon: Uh, roses, Bengay, and Dr. Scholls' foot powder.
Penny: Yeah, "Grandma", by Calvin Klein.

Amy: When did you get an engagement ring?
Sheldon: My mother gave it to me, and I had been thinking about giving it to you, but then we broke up.
Meemaw: Well, thank goodness for that.
Amy: Sheldon, will you please tell your grandmother to stay out of this?
Sheldon: Oh, I don't think I could do that.

Penny: Hi. Sorry. Sheldon would like to say something to you.
Sheldon: No, I wouldn't.
Leonard: Just get in here.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: Go ahead.
Sheldon: Meemaw, look, I'm sorry, but I have to defend my girlfriend to you.
Amy: Oh, Sheldon, thank you.
Sheldon: Oh, great, now you're gonna get emotional. (hands Amy a tissue from Meemaw's sleeve)