Raj: So how many tattoos?
Emily: One on my shoulder. One not on my shoulder. And one really not on my shoulder.
Raj: It's been a long time since I've seen a girl's really not her shoulder.

Raj: Hang on. If you're really Nathan Fillion, what's the line from Firefly about your bonnet?
Customer: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.
Leonard: That's it. That's the line.
Raj: Although, I knew the line, doesn't make me Nathan Fillion.

Raj: Maybe there are other things we have in common. Come dinner-time, do you enjoy eating food?

Howard: I promise I'll be on my best behavior.
Raj: You better be. No jokes about how close I am with my dog. Or the truth about how close I am with my dog.

Sheldon: Unhand me! This is ridiculous.
Howard: I told you to put tape on his mouth.
Raj: And I told you he bit me!

*Amy walks into the kitchen where Raj and Bernadette are preparing dinner*
Amy: You need any help?
Raj: Yeah, can you reach that gravy boat up there?
Amy: Sure.
Raj: Great, that makes one of you.

Raj: Did you forget what Penny did to you? It took two years and defiling my sister to turn that frown upside down.
Leonard: I didn't defile your sister, we had a relationship.
Raj: I heard you called her Brown Sugar. In my book, that's defilement.

Raj: Boy, I'm so hungry today. I wonder why.
Howard: Because you had sex the other night?
Raj: You know what, that might be it. By the way, it isn't like riding a bike. I fell off a few times.

Leonard: What are you doing here?
Raj: I was sleeping.
Leonard: In my bed?
Raj: Well, I would have slept in my own bed, but it was being used to bring shame to my family and the memory of Gene Roddenberry.

Wolowitz: Oh, stop it with the fake third world crap. Your father is a gynecologist and you had a house full of servants.
Raj: We only had four servants, and two of them were children.

Sheldon: I want you to work for me again.
Raj: 'For you' or 'with you'?
Sheldon: In this context, 'for me' can mean 'with me'.
Raj: All right, but I have some conditions.
Sheldon: I reject them all.
Raj: I'll take the job. See you Monday.

Raj: Not only are there children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here.

Raj: If anyone's interested, I'll be spending this Valentine's in the same way I spend every Valentine's. Buying a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket, taking it home, standing over the sink and eating it out of the package with my bare hands like an animal.

Raj: I'm glad men are wearing hats again. They are so distinguished.

Raj: I wish I had a friend like me.