Leonard: Can I get anyone a drink?
Wyatt: Well, I could use another beer.
Susan: (loudly) You're done! (softly) He's done.

Stuart: Nice to see you again, Dr. Hofstadter. I'm, uh, Leonard's friend, Stuart.
Beverly Hofstadter: Nice to see you, too.
Stuart: Hi, I'm Stuart.
Alfred Hofstadter: Ooh, I'm Alfred, Leonard's father.
Stuart: Oh! Oh, hi. Uh, I'm sorry, did you two want to sit together?
Beverly Hofstadter: No!
Alfred Hofstadter: No!
Stuart: I was wondering why the front row was available.

Susan: Thank you for cleaning yourself up for your sister's wedding.
Randall: Thank you for my new teeth.

Wyatt: Welcome to the family, Leonard. Don't lend your new brother-in-law money.

Alfred Hofstadter: You're a patient young lady.
Sheldon: Hey, hey! She's mine! Take a cold shower, grandpa!

Howard: Why wouldn't that colonel say what the meeting's about? It has to be bad news.
Raj: Calm down, okay? Try not to think about it.
Howard: That's really stupid advice.
Raj: You know that hurts my feelings.
Howard: Calm down, try not to think about it.
Raj: (upbeat) Okay.

Raj: What's the worst that could come of this meeting?
Howard: I don't know. They take the invention away, and I get nothing?
Raj: Okay, that's not so bad. You know what happened to the scientists that worked on the Manhattan Project? The government forced them to move to the desert. They had to live in secret, and when Oppenheimer objected to what they made him do, they destroyed his reputation.
Howard: What's the point of that story?
Raj: I just read a book about Oppenheimer, seemed like a chance to show off.

Raj: There he is! There's my happy Hebraic homeboy. Yeah, that's the smile I'm gonna remember when you're living in the desert and I'm living with your wife.

Beverly Hofstadter: So, what do you do for a living?
Randall: Mommy, you want to take this one?
Susan: Um, Randall's in between jobs.
Randall: (whispering) And court appearances.

Susan: No more drug talk for the rest of this trip.
Wyatt: I'll drink to that.
Susan: Haven't you had enough?
Wyatt: Penny drinks more than I do.
Penny: Well, I learned from the best.
Wyatt: Aw! (Penny and Wyatt clink their beer bottles together)

Susan: Very nice, Wyatt. And you wonder why this one turned out the way he did.
Randall: You see what I've gotta put up with.
Susan: What you've gotta put up with? Why did you have to go to jail?
Randall: It's called getting caught, Mother!

Susan: Oh, Leonard! It's so nice to see you again!
Leonard: Oh, you, too! Hey, everyone, this is my mother, Beverly.
Beverly: Hello.
Susan: Hi.
Randall: We are not white trash!

Amy: Are you excited to see your son walk down the aisle?
Alfred Hofstadter: Yes, I am. I'm just feeling a little guilty about all the trouble I've caused.
Mary Cooper: Oh, so am I.
Sheldon: You made God sad today, Mom.

Amy: Sheldon, they haven't done anything wrong. I think it's nice they're hitting it off.
Sheldon: Well, that's still no reason to rush into anything. Look at us. We took things remarkably slow. You and I, we didn't even hold hands for two years.
Amy: It was a lot hotter than it sounds.

Beverly Hofstadter: You're not seriously going to visit each other.
Alfred Hofstadter: And why wouldn't we?
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh please, you're just saying this to antagonize me.
Alfred Hofstadter: Oh, not at all. Mary happens to be a wonderful woman. And if it antagonizes you, that's just a bonus.