Sheldon: I never realized this building was classified.
Howard: Maybe that's because it's classified.

Leonard: Wish we weren't so far from my parking space.
Sheldon: The way you put away those lemon bars, perhaps that's a good thing.
Leonard: I'd like to reinstate the you-not-talking rule.
Sheldon: Why? It clearly doesn't work.

Bernadette: I now pronounce you husband and wife. And weird other husband who came with the apartment.

Sheldon: Why do people cry at weddings?
Mary Cooper: They're practicing for what's coming later.

Sheldon: Do you think your father's doing unspeakable things to my mother?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you saying that because the things are unspeakable?
Penny: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable was finished by 9:30.

Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You realize you and I could become brothers.
Leonard: We're not gonna be brothers. We're not gonna be step brothers. Go to sleep.
Sheldon: I hope you're right. 'Cause a grown man living with his brother and his brother's wife is weird.

Sheldon: So, did you defile my mother or not?

Alfred Hofstadter:: If I may, I can assure you, your mother and I did nothing more than share a cab and a conversation.
Sheldon: Did that conversation include the phrase "your genitals are a joy to behold"?

Beverly Hofstadter: I don't see why I should have to watch your father parade around with some Bible-thumping bumpkin.
Sheldon: Oh. Excuse me, that is my mother you're talking about, however accurately.

Sheldon: Did that conversation include the phrase "your genitals are a joy to behold"?
Alfred Hofstadter: Look, I promise you, neither I, nor anyone, has ever said that.
Leonard: You don't know his girlfriend very well.
Sheldon: Or what a joy it is to behold my genitals.

Susan: Penny, I don't know what I was worried about. Your friends are just lovely.
Penny: Oh, thanks, Mom.
Susan: Although that Sheldon is a bit peculiar.
Penny: Is he? I never noticed.
Wyatt: He reminds me of that turkey we had who drowned looking up at the rain.

Howard: That's great, now they know where I live.
Raj: What are you talking about? They've always known where you live.
Bernadette: Yeah, if you want to go off the grid, you have to move out of your mother's house.

Penny: Oh, hey, and do yourself a favor, all right? When Beverly gets here, do not bring up last night.
All right? As far as you're concerned, you don't know anything, you didn't see anything. I want you just to play dumb.
*Beverly is standing in the doorway behind Penny, listening to the conversation*
Sheldon: It was nice of her to show us playing dumb with an example.

Beverly Hofstadter: Penny, wait.
Penny: Why?
Beverly Hofstadter: I wanted to thank you for going through all the trouble of planning a second wedding ceremony for me, but unfortunately I cannot attend.
Leonard: Wait, why? What's wrong?
Sheldon: Wha- Are we still doing the dumb thing? Okay, why, what's wrong?

Beverly Hofstadter: I just cannot stay here while your father goes out of his way to humiliate me.
Sheldon: Oh, golly, however did he humiliate you?
Beverly Hofstadter: Stop it, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Do I say "Stop what?" or just throw in the towel?