Howard: Look at you. Willy Wonka would roll you to the juicing room.

Leonard: And that is how a short asthmatic scientist landed a stone-cold fox.

Sheldon: Do you know what else I love about you?
Stuart: Hmm?
Sheldon: Your handwriting is impeccable!
Stuart: Thank you for noticing!
Sheldon: No, I mean it. I mean it. It's like you have the soul of a label maker.

Howard: Are we there yet?!
Bernadette: Soon.
Howard: Why is it taking so long?!
Raj: Howard, Howard, look at the DVD screen. I put on Batman: The Animated Series. Your favorite!
Howard: I'm in too much pain (Batman music starts playing) to watch cartoo-- Oh! This is a good one.
Raj: I've been babysitting him way longer than you have.

Howard: There's a baby in there.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah, that's where I put it.

Sheldon: Let's say that we were to entertain people. What type of gathering did you have in mind? Huh? A meal? Lunch? Brunch? Dinner? Afternoon tea? A formal tea? Hmm? Is it a party? And if so, what kind of party? Is it a cocktail party? A Tupperware party? Ooh, yeah, is it a surprise party? Oh, I hope it's not a West Coast party, 'cause according to the man on the radio, a West Coast party don't stop.

Leonard: You'll have nerds fawning all over you. If you don't love that, this marriage is in trouble.

Penny: Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!

Sheldon: When we're sleeping, she breathes on me. One night, it got so bad I almost grabbed Toto and headed for the storm cellar.

Bernadette: Uh, I left my phone downstairs!
Howard: Damn, so did I.
Bernadette: Wait, I have my iPad.
Howard: What are you going to do, e-mail 911?

Sheldon: Being with Amy has awoken the sexual creature within. When I see a pretty gal walking down the street, I think, "hubba hubba" like any other guy.
Penny: You kiss your mother with that mouth? 'Cause it's fine.

Amy: Well, for starters, there's nothing wrong with keeping our toothbrushes in the same holder.
Penny: Sheldon, what do you say to that?
Sheldon: I think we should see other people.

Sheldon: Oh, look who's in favor of compromise, the woman who married Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Hey, she didn't compromise. She settled. There's a difference.
Penny: Yeah, you tell him, babe.

Howard: Well, pulling a quarter out of your ear isn't the only magic these hands can do. In fact, what's this between your toes?
Bernadette: Can you please stop making money come out of me for two minutes?

Sheldon: My mother was at bible study. I walked in the house expecting to find it empty, and I heard a sound coming from my parents' bedroom. When I opened the door, I saw my father having relations with another woman.
Penny: Oh, that's awful!
Sheldon: I know. It's also why I never open a door without knocking three times. I mean, the first one's traditional, but two and three are for people to get their pants on.