Bernadette: I'm clearly upset. Why aren't you following me?

Penny: It's okay, I'll still go.
Leonard: You don't think you'll be bored?
Penny: Oh, I'll have some wine and listen to people go on about crap I don't understand. I mean, how is it any different than every single day of my life?
Sheldon: I won't be there.
Leonard: Look at that, it is a party!

Sheldon: I am facing a great deal of work. And I do like things better when famous people also like them.

Howard: That's great, now they know where I live.
Raj: What are you talking about? They've always known where you live.
Bernadette: Yeah, if you want to go off the grid, you have to move out of your mother's house.

Amy: I mean, seriously, you have got to let me scan your brain when you're being dishonest so I can see what lights up.
Penny: That's super helpful, Amy. Thanks a lot. I can't wait to do that.
Amy: I can see a clump of bitch cells lightin' up from here.

Bernadette: Are you kidding? I've always been treated differently! Look at me. Listen to me. I mean, the first thought when you see me isn't, "That's a scientist." It's, "I wonder if her mommy knows where she is."

Bernadette: Apple slices? What kind of lunatic goes to McDonald's and gets fruit?

Bernadette: Well, my boss said he hadn't decided yet, so I gently reminded him that he's an old rich white guy, and I'm a sweet little pregnant lady who's not afraid to cry in front of a jury.

Colonel Williams: Look, guys, it's just a guidance system. It's not like you're handing us the Death Star from Star Trek.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Raj: Wail till I Snapchat that my friends might be working on a top secret government project.
Leonard: Are you crazy? You can't put that on Snapchat.
Raj: Fine, I'll put it on Facebook like a caveman.

Penny: You know, when Leonard's feeling anxious, I make him take a long walk.
Amy: Does that help?
Penny: For a while, then he comes back.

Howard: I was counting on that money. I need to make as much as my wife so I don't have to try so hard in bed.

Sheldon: Did that conversation include the phrase "your genitals are a joy to behold"?
Alfred Hofstadter: Look, I promise you, neither I, nor anyone, has ever said that.
Leonard: You don't know his girlfriend very well.
Sheldon: Or what a joy it is to behold my genitals.

Susan: Penny, I don't know what I was worried about. Your friends are just lovely.
Penny: Oh, thanks, Mom.
Susan: Although that Sheldon is a bit peculiar.
Penny: Is he? I never noticed.
Wyatt: He reminds me of that turkey we had who drowned looking up at the rain.