Sheldon: I'm just a regular guy, with a regular enemies list. Which, by the way, you are no longer on.
Wil Wheaton: Really? Well, that is something. It's not something that I care about, but it is something.

Penny: The pastrami truck moved.
Leonard: That is the danger of a restaurant on wheels.

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Penny! *knock knock knock* Penny! *knock knock knock* Penny!
Penny: Sheldon, go away. I'm making a video.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back when you're alone.

Amy: Is there anything I can do to help?
Sheldon: Yes. I want you to be in charge of our wedding. Just you tell me where and when, and I will show up with a boutonnire and close-toed shoes and a a Star Trek uniform underneath my tuxedo. That last part is non-negotiable.

Sheldon: Neither of them will be the actual cake. I'm just using it as a bargaining chip to get Amy to agree to the whole wedding party getting rings and us getting one ring to rule them all.

Sheldon: I call this meeting of the Council of Sheldons to order. Let's take roll. Science Sheldon?
Science Sheldon: Present.
Sheldon: Texas Sheldon?
Texas Sheldon: Howdy.
Sheldon: Fanboy Sheldon?
Fanboy Sheldon: Greetings.
Sheldon: Germaphobe Sheldon?
Germaphobe Sheldon: Say it, don't spray it.
Humorous Sheldon: Where's Jock Sheldon?
Sheldon: Not the time, Humorous Sheldon!

Leonard: Uh, M-Mr. Gates, I'm-I'm Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. We've actually met before.
Bill Gates : Sorry, I don't remember.
Leonard: You were so nice, a-and it was really special to me because you've been such a big influence on my life. I mean, ever since I was a little kid, I've looked up to you like-like a hero. (sobbing)
Bill Gates : Oh, now I remember. Would you like a tissue?
Leonard: How about a hug?
Bill Gates : How-how about a tissue?

Howard: You don't even have a license.
Sheldon: Actually, I do.
Howard: Really? Since when?
Sheldon: Three years ago. I went on a bit of a license kick. I'm also a commercial fisherman.

Leonard: My mother's texting you?
Penny: Yeah. We've been talking a lot lately.
Leonard: Why? She sick of talking to the magic mirror on the wall?

Penny: I'm so sorry to hear about you and Howard.
Bernadette: Thanks. I just didn't think he was the kind of guy who would be doing weird stuff online.
Penny: Really? Wow, I thought it was so obvious, but okay.

Leonard: Look, this is your wedding, just pick whoever you want. You don't need to worry about anyone else but yourself. You've kind of been training for this your whole life.

Raj: Wait, what's Bitcoin?
Sheldon: It's a new online currency that's been developed. Uh, it's just like actual money, except you can't see it, hold it, or spend it on anything.
Stuart: Sounds like the kind of money I'm familiar with.

Raj: What, y-you stole our Bitcoin?
Sheldon: Oh, calm down. All I did was sneak onto your computer and download your Bitcoin onto a flash drive.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I'm not keeping it. I just wanted to watch you sweat.
Howard: If you want to watch him sweat, walk up a flight of stairs with him.
Sheldon: I've waited seven long years, but it finally happened.
Leonard: Where's our money?
Sheldon: That's the best part. It's on the Batman flash drive on your key chain. You've had it in your pocket all along.
Leonard: Sheldon I lost that key chain years ago.
Sheldon: Really? D-D-Did you look under things?

Penny: Now, why don't you go wash up, and we'll call you when dinner's ready.
Sheldon: Okay. (Sheldon leaves)
Leonard: (surprised) What did you do? Are you a witch?

Sheldon: You know, studies have shown that people distracted by emotional issues are poor drivers.
Howard: What about people distracted by irritating passengers?
Sheldon: That would be hard to test, because irritating is a subjective quality.
Howard: Strongly disagree.