Sheldon: On the other hand, shaming Leonard during our wedding at the very place he betrayed me does have a beautiful symmetry to it.
Amy: That's nice, it'll be your first petty act as a married man.

Penny: Hey, this isn't your laundry night.
Sheldon: I know. Laundry on a Wednesday. It's the madness my life has become.

Leonard: Well, look, we don't fly out until the morning. Why don't I try and talk to him, give it one more shot?
Sheldon: All right. But if he says, "Nerd says what", don't answer him.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You are a lamb to the slaughter.

Penny: Why is this sleep-talking thing bothering you anyway?
Sheldon: It's simple. I don't like the idea that my mind might be keeping an entire personality from me.
Dr. Jekyll's other personality was Mr. Hyde. Mr. Hyde. Didn't have a postgraduate degree.

Penny: Uh, Mr. Fowler, are you okay back there? Do you need more air?
Mrs. Fowler: He's fine.

Penny: Hey, Beverly.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, hello, Penny.
Penny: Uh, Leonard just left. He's gonna be so upset he missed your call.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why?
Penny: Because he ... Yeah, I don't know.

Penny: Hey, where are you going?
Leonard: Back to the dry cleaner. Look at this. They didn't get the stain out of my Starfleet uniform.
Penny: Well, if you didn't make me wear the green body paint in bed, you wouldn't have to get it dry-cleaned so much.
Leonard: Nah, it's worth it.

Sheldon: Once, when I was eight, I was going to dress as my favorite scientist for Halloween, and Georgie threw my costume away. I had to wear a sheet and go as a ghost. Scared myself all night long.

Bernadette: Boy, I don't know how people who aren't on bed rest keep up with the Kardashians.
Penny: Well, sometimes you have to read in your car while your husband thinks you're working late.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, I think you're forgetting that the sandwich was invented by John Montagu, the Earl of Sandwich.
Penny: Oh. The truck's called "Pearl of Sandwich." Now I get it.

Barry Kripke: Hello, Hofstadter.
Leonard: Why are you cleaning that out yourself? Don't you have grad students?
Barry Kripke: Come on, I can't make my grad students do every dirty job or so I've been told in writing by the head of Human Resources.

Leonard: As Sheldon's best man, I need to inform you that this is not a bachelor party.
Sheldon: And tell them why.
Leonard: Because you're a tiresome scold.
Sheldon: No. It's because a bachelor party is typically a hedonistic blowout where no pleasures of the flesh are denied. I'm not interested in that.
Leonard: How is that not exactly what I said?

Amy: That's not much of an apology.
Sheldon: Yeah, because he's not really sorry. Obviously, he wanted a place to go where I wouldn't be and apparently all of outside wasn't enough for him.

Georgie: What the hell are you doing here?
Sheldon: Hello, Georgie.
Georgie: It's just George now.
Sheldon: Fine, George. No, I don't like it, Georgie.
Georgie: I see you haven't changed one bit.
Sheldon: Thank you, that is a nice thing to say.

Penny: All right, I'm putting a stop to this.
Bernadette: If you knew how, why'd you wait 11 years?