Penny: Hey, this isn't your laundry night.
Sheldon: I know. Laundry on a Wednesday. It's the madness my life has become.

Leonard: Fine, I'm mad. I guess I was more upset by our breakup than you.
Penny: That is not true. Of course I was upset.
Leonard: Didn't seem like it. You started dating the first tall, handsome hunk you could find.
Penny: I'm sorry, are you mad that I dated Zack or that you didn't?

Dr. Harris: Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions in the olfactory receptors in the brain. It was inspired.
Amy: Oh, well, I guess it didn't stink. But if it did, that rat wouldn't have known it.

Leonard: Is it me, or did we just patch a tire?
Sheldon: He said, "Never patch." Do you even listen?

Neil Gaiman: You know, if you're interested in alternate histories, Neil Gaiman wrote one called 1602.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, we're in the middle of something here.
Neil Gaiman: It is pretty good, actually. He takes the Marvel superheroes and he puts them into Elizabethan England.
Sheldon: Let me guess, everyone thinks the X-Men are witches.
Neil Gaiman: Yeah.

Raj: Okay, look, I think that she and I have more in common.
Stuart: Because you're Indian? So just 'cause she's brown, you get to date her?
Raj: Yes! And the next time we meet a woman who's pale and cadaver-like, she's all yours.

Sheldon: What are you listening to?
Amy: Nothing.
Sheldon: Oh, come on, I want to hear.
Sheldon: (on a recording) We don't need GPS. Let's just see where the road takes us.
Sheldon: I see why you turned it off. That guy sounds like an idiot.
Penny: Honey, that's you.
Sheldon: Don't be silly. My voice is deep and sonorous. Like a Caucasian James Earl Jones. "Luke, I am your father." See?

Amy: (to Georgie) I like your accent. Sheldon, did you used to sound like that? Can you still?
Sheldon: I can. I will not.

Stuart: I am really sorry. I will make it up to you. But it won't be with a Val Kilmer Batman figurine (laughing) because some sucker's buying that right now. [to the customer] (laughs) Not you. This is great.

Penny: Uh, Mr. Fowler, are you okay back there? Do you need more air?
Mrs. Fowler: He's fine.

Penny: Look, I'm serious. The other day at work, I had this great idea, but no one was listening to me. And then five minutes later, Paul said the same thing, and they practically carried him around the room.
Leonard: Oh, well, what was it?
Penny: Well, CPK for lunch, but that's just one example.

Sheldon: No I'm not annoyed that she's a woman. I'm annoyed, and she's a woman.
Amy: No, I get that. I'm annoyed and I'm a woman.

Sheldon: It's just, Stuart knows my likes and dislikes. And I can count on his discretion if I pick up the occasional back issue of Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen. Which I don't.
Amy: Well, don't think of her as a stranger. Just think of her as a a friend you haven't berated, lectured or condescended to yet.
Sheldon: I hadn't thought of it that way. Thank you.
Amy: You're welcome.

Howard: Well, that's perfect. I mean, the one thing I thought I could do with my son, I can't even do that right.
Sheldon: Well, if you want to see it again, I got it on video. Looks pretty cool in slow motion.
Howard: Thank you for your support.
Sheldon: You're welcome.
Howard: I was being sarcastic.
Sheldon: How dare you!

Penny: Uh, well, you know, I'm here for you. What do you want to talk about?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, last time, we focused on my life. If we're going to be real girlfriends, we should talk about you as well.
Penny: Well, you know, if we're gonna be real girlfriends, we should get a third girl we can trash behind her back.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, so we'd be catty. Oh, I like it. What about Sheldon's fiancee She seems a bit dour.
Penny: Ooh, "dour". Meow!