Doctor Wolcott: It's a perfect marriage. We focus on our work and send each other cards every year on our birthdays. Hey, wait, what-what month is it?
Leonard: Uh, April.
Doctor Wolcott: Most years. The point is we give each other space. I give her Europe, she gives me South America. That's where she thinks I'm living.

Leonard: And then, when the lights come back on in the supercollider room, Dr. Logan Dean makes two important discoveries, gluino (gruffly) and murder.
Howard: Oh, gluino. That's exciting.
Leonard: (gruffly) And murder.
Howard: (gruffly) I heard you. The first time.

Amy: You infected me a week before my wedding. What am I supposed to do about this?
Bernadette: Wear a veil?
Penny: (laughs) ... It's not funny.

Raj: Oh, oh! Let's play William Tell. I'll put this bowl on my head. See if you can knock it off without hitting me.
Howard: You read my mind.
Bernadette: What are you doing?
Howard: Either breaking a bowl or breaking Raj's head.
Bernadette: Be careful, they don't make that bowl anymore.

Penny: All right, I'm putting a stop to this.
Bernadette: If you knew how, why'd you wait 11 years?

Leonard: As Sheldon's best man, I need to inform you that this is not a bachelor party.
Sheldon: And tell them why.
Leonard: Because you're a tiresome scold.
Sheldon: No. It's because a bachelor party is typically a hedonistic blowout where no pleasures of the flesh are denied. I'm not interested in that.
Leonard: How is that not exactly what I said?

Amy: That's not much of an apology.
Sheldon: Yeah, because he's not really sorry. Obviously, he wanted a place to go where I wouldn't be and apparently all of outside wasn't enough for him.

Georgie: What the hell are you doing here?
Sheldon: Hello, Georgie.
Georgie: It's just George now.
Sheldon: Fine, George. No, I don't like it, Georgie.
Georgie: I see you haven't changed one bit.
Sheldon: Thank you, that is a nice thing to say.

Leonard: And the noise complaint we got for singing you"Happy Birthday"?
Sheldon: As a friend, I was touched. As a representative of the building, I thought that you should pick a key and stick with it.

Sheldon: Thank you for bringing me up here. But I think I'm ready to go home now.
Raj: Really? You don't want to stay for dinner and talk more science?
Sheldon: No. No, we better go. I miss Amy. And my phone. [gunshot in distance] Also, I'm from Texas, and I can taste the difference between rabbit and squirrel.

Bernadette: So, does Penny know you based a character on her?
Leonard: What character?
Bernadette: Ilsa, the head of the institute. That's clearly Penny.
Leonard: No, it's not.
Bernadette: Really? Confident, ball-busting beauty who's always rolling her eyes at Logan?
Leonard: Trust me, that describes more women than you think.

Barry Kripke: Well, well, well. This is a pickle.
Sheldon: Yes, so, if you will just move your birthday party to a different location, everything will be fine.
Barry Kripke: Ugh, it's tricky. I don't want to move my party, but I also don't want to help you. Oh, wait, I don't have a problem.

Sheldon: Although, it is our wedding. Maybe it shouldn't be all about revenge.

Sheldon: Okay. Well, assuming you're right, what would you suggest I do?
Penny: Well, I would start with something small, see if it makes your life any better. Um, you can learn to meditate, take a yoga class.
Sheldon: Oh, you know, I have always been intrigued by flip-flops. The official footwear of the laid-back fellow.
Penny: Okay, sure.
Sheldon: Of course if my feet are gonna be exposed, I'll need to update my tetanus booster.
Penny: Oh, yeah. Makes sense.
Sheldon: Yeah. And while I'm there, I may as well get a flu shot and a mole check.
Penny: Sure. You know, I've never had a mole check.
Sheldon: Ooh! Well, it's been nice knowing you.

Leonard: We passed three of these stores on the way here. Why did you say he's just "some loser who sells tires"?
Sheldon: You're right, that was unfair. He's a loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas.