Leonard: Is it me, or did we just patch a tire?
Sheldon: He said, "Never patch." Do you even listen?

Sheldon: No, it's a distraction. How can I focus on my work when all I can think about is how much I want that sandwich?
Amy: So, go get one.
Sheldon: I can't just give in to every urge I have when I have it. That's why I have a rigid schedule. It's bad enough I had to give in to my urge to create a rigid schedule.

Sheldon: You know, maybe, um, I should start right now, and go back to Pasadena and let you have this experience to yourself.
Amy: You just want to go back 'cause that's where everybody makes a fuss over you.
Sheldon: You know, your colleagues are right, you are brilliant.

Amy: If we don't do anything, how long do you think they'll talk about Batman?
Penny: Well, I've know them for 11 years, so 11 years.

Penny: All right, I'm putting a stop to this.
Bernadette: If you knew how, why'd you wait 11 years?

Penny: Hey, where are you going?
Leonard: Back to the dry cleaner. Look at this. They didn't get the stain out of my Starfleet uniform.
Penny: Well, if you didn't make me wear the green body paint in bed, you wouldn't have to get it dry-cleaned so much.
Leonard: Nah, it's worth it.

Penny: Hey, Beverly.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, hello, Penny.
Penny: Uh, Leonard just left. He's gonna be so upset he missed your call.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why?
Penny: Because he ... Yeah, I don't know.

Penny: Uh, Mr. Fowler, are you okay back there? Do you need more air?
Mrs. Fowler: He's fine.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, I think you're forgetting that the sandwich was invented by John Montagu, the Earl of Sandwich.
Penny: Oh. The truck's called "Pearl of Sandwich." Now I get it.

Sheldon: Anyway, I'm proud of you. And I'm going to try to do a better job of sharing the spotlight because we're a team. You know? Much like the Dodgers. If they had superpowers, and fought crime. And Thor was in them.

Sheldon: Reason number 13 to feel good: as a launch, it was bad, but as an explosion, it was glorious. Reason 14: you still have all your fingers, and boys prefer a dad with fingers.
Howard: Thanks for trying, but you're not gonna be able to cheer me up.
Sheldon: Well, how about this, then? You quit your whining before I give you something to cry about, young man.
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Those are comforting words my father would often say.
Howard: Did it help?
Sheldon: I turned out great. You tell me.

Sheldon: (imitates a siren wailing)
Leonard: I don't know. Uh, French police?
Sheldon: Oh, so close. Belgian ambulance.

Raj: What would you do if you had a billion dollars?
Howard: Same as Bill Gates, try to make the world a better place, but I'd do it in a working Iron Man suit.
Raj: I didn't know that came in a boys' medium.

Leonard: You're not jealous of Howard, are you?
Sheldon: Of course not. The only engineer I'm jealous of is the one who blows the train whistle. Ooh, that just gave me an idea for a new game, "What whistle am I?"
Leonard: Train.
Sheldon: For your information, it was going to be tea kettle, but the tea kettle was on a train, so I'll give it to you.

Sheldon: Leonard. That's Mark Ha-Ha-Ha. It's-it's Mark Hami-Ha-Ha-
Leonard: Yep. Thank Wolowitz. He set it up.