Sheldon: When I moved to California, what did you do?
Tam: I stayed in Texas.
Sheldon: Do you believe this guy?!

Amy: Whatcha doin'?
Penny: You scared me.
Amy: I'll ask again. What-cha doin'?
Penny: Nothing.
Amy: Really? You and Bernadette aren't doing stuff without me?
Penny: What? No! Why would you even say that?
Amy: You know how your talent is getting just drunk enough to have a good time without being hungover the next day?
Penny: Thank you.
Amy: Well, mine is knowing when I'm being excluded.

Leonard: Next question. Uh, "how close are you with your family?"
Penny: Pretty close.
Leonard: I'm gonna say not too close, but I'm hoping to get farther.

Leonard: "How are you with pets?" Well, I did take care of Sheldon for 15 years, and he only bit me twice.

Leonard: Okay, what would you do?
President Siebert: I'd find some sap and put him in charge so I wouldn't have to be the bad guy.
Leonard: That's a really good id-- Oh.

Howard: William Shatner, Kevin Smith. Who else could be there?
Leonard: Do you see what I see over his shoulder?
Howard: Is that a ghost?
Raj: I think it's Stuart.
Sheldon: That is Stuart. What-What's he doing there?
Raj: Maybe he died in Wil's house and he can't leave until he solves his own murder.

Sheldon: Amy, do you think I'm always correcting other people?
Amy: No, not all the time. I mean, just last week, Penny ended a sentence with a preposition. You didn't even mention it.
Sheldon: True. I just waited until I got home and screamed into a pillow.

Bert: I don't really have dreams, when I sleep or in life.

Penny: You know, not everyone needs to have kids to be fulfilled.
Bernadette: You're right, you've got Leonard. What more do you need?

Sheldon: Well, I, for one, applaud Raj's decision to forgo emotional attachment and find a life partner by bowing to a 3,000-year-old authoritarian tradition.
Leonard: What are you talking about? You married a woman you're in love with.
Sheldon: I can't believe you're throwing that back in my face.

Sheldon: It's so funny, we did all these experiments on them and they didn't even notice.
Amy: I know, I was worried it would be obvious, but it wasn't.

Amy: Look, when you wanted Penny, you didn't care what anybody else thought or wanted, including Penny.
Leonard: That's true. Yeah, yeah, there was something I wanted, I went after it and I got it.
Amy: Now you're hiding from it on the stairs, so it all worked out.

Sheldon: You're awfully quiet.
Leonard: Sorry.
Sheldon: No, I like it.
Leonard: Got a lot on my mind.
Sheldon: Would you like to talk about it?
Leonard: Not really.
Sheldon: Grape Nuts for breakfast, quiet car ride, things are really breaking my way today.

Amy: You're up early.
Sheldon: Huh? Yes. I wanted to get a jump on planning a day of fun for you.
Amy: Oh, that's sweet. What are we doing?
Sheldon: Oh, no. Just you. I have other plans. Now, would you prefer to see The Grinch in 2-D or 3-D?
Amy: I don't want to see it at all.
Sheldon: Well, let's go 2-D. No sense in spending extra money.

Young Sheldon: Now just to make sure it's really you watching this and not an imposter, what am I thinking of? On the count of three. One, two, three.
Sheldon: Robot monkey butler.
Young Sheldon: Robot monkey butler. Okay, good.