Amy: How long has it been since you've seen it?
Sheldon: Not since the day I recorded it. No, I had just watched Back to the Future II, where Marty McFly gets a glimpse of his future self and that got me thinking, the day may come where I needed my help, like they did with that movie. That was not great.

Penny: Hey, want to get lunch?
Bernadette: I can't. Halley and Michael were up all night, and I'm way behind here.
Penny: Oh, no, are they sick?
Bernadette: No. They were just laughing and playing like a couple of jerks. Boy, they're cute, but they ruin everything.
Penny: I get that. You know, I've been thinking lately that maybe I don't want kids.
Bernadette: Are you crazy? Of course you want them. It's amazing.
Penny: You just said they ruin everything.
Bernadette: I'm allowed to. It's their fault I pee when I laugh.

Bernadette: You know what, you should audition now.
Howard: It's fine. I don't need to be a member of the most elite magical society on the face of the earth.
Bernadette: Sounds like you still want it. And I don't want our kids to watch this tape one day and think their dad is a quitter.
Howard: Oh, we don't have to show it to them.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm definitely showing it to them.

Raj: Why can't you just be happy for me?
Howard: Because you're being dumb. You don't know anything about her.
Raj: Well, how come you all get to be married and I have to stay single?
Howard: I think that's a question for a licensed professional.
Raj: You know what, you're not just insulting me. Okay? You're insulting my family, my culture and my future bride, Anu, a vegetarian with a master's degree from Cornell whose favorite fruit is pineapple.

Penny: Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.
Leonard: So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.
Penny: Symmetry.
Leonard: Asymmetry.
Penny: Uh, SimCity, sounds too much like symmetry.
Leonard: That also applies to The Simpsons, Simba from The Lion King, and cymbals.
Penny: Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.

Leonard: Uh, also no talk of Rocky IV.
Bernadette: Why Rocky IV?
Howard: Because he fights a Russian. I'm sorry about her.

Raj: And, with apologies to Lady Gaga, that's how a star is born.
Howard: Told you he was gonna mention Lady Gaga.
Bernadette: At least he didn't talk about how much he cried during that movie.
Raj: Although, if you haven't seen that movie, you should. I cried so much.

Amy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Eating, reading, watching television, listening to the radio. What does it look like I'm doing?
Amy: Is that asparagus? I thought you hate asparagus.
Sheldon: I thought so, too, but I also thought super-asymmetry was a good idea, so what else am I wrong about?

Sheldon: Now, I'm not sure if this helps, but did you know that pineapples were once so rare that King Charles posed for a portrait with one?
Leonard: How does that help?
Sheldon: Oh, it helped me. I've been trying to slide that into a conversation for years.

Bernadette: Okay, so, everyone's happy and healthy?
Stuart: Well, that depends.
Bernadette: What's that mean?
Stuart: Uh, how many teeth did Halley have when you left?
Howard: All of them.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, that's-that's what I was afraid of.
Bernadette: What happened?
Stuart: Um, well, all right. Um, Michael had a little fever last night.
Bernadette: Michael had a fever?
Stuart: Do you want to hear about Halley or not?
Howard: What happened, Stuart?
Stuart: He was running a little fever, nothing to worry about. And Halley, bless her heart, wanted to bring him his boo-boo bear, so she climbed over the safety rail and took a little tumble down the stairs.
Bernadette: She fell down the stairs?!
Stuart: [stammers] She rolled down the stairs, laughing the whole time. [chuckles] Anyway, when she got to the bottom, there was a tooth missing.
Bernadette: Oh, Stuart!
Stuart: She's fine! She thought it was funny.
Howard: Did you at least save it for the tooth fairy?
Stuart: No, we couldn't find it. We have a theory about where it is, but it'll take six to eight hours to confirm. Speaking of which, where do you keep the spaghetti strainer?

Amy: What are you thinking?
Sheldon: Well, I just can't decide. Either five sets of triplets or three sets of quintuplets. You know what? It doesn't matter as long as they're healthy. And divisible by three.

Bernadette: Is that a VCR?
Howard: Yeah, Amy asked if we had one she could borrow and I just want to make sure it still works.
Bernadette: What's on the tape?
Howard: Not sure. I used to record a lot of Jeopardy! for my mom, but if I push play and you see some naked people-
Bernadette: Got it. "What is porn?"
Howard: Ooh, we were looking for "vintage '80s erotica," but I'll accept it.

Bernadette: All right. Don't be afraid to be brutally honest. Like my mom used to say when I was doing pageants, "Tears only make your eyes sparkle brighter."
Raj: That is both sad and true. Half my Instagram is after a good cry.

Penny: Hang on, why is it crazy to say I might not want kids?
Bernadette: Oh, it's not crazy. It's just wrong. You only think you don't want kids, but once you have kids, you'll realize that you did want them.
Penny: Or I don't want them, so I won't have them, so back off.
Bernadette: Aw, you sound just like me before I became a mom and learned what the meaning of love was.
Penny: Wow, I cannot believe how condescending you're being.
Bernadette: Look, I know it's scary, but you're gonna be a great mom.
Penny: I know I'd be great, but the point is I don't want to be one.
Bernadette: Maybe you wouldn't be great. You kind of got a temper.

Howard: Wait, you're not seriously marrying a woman you've met once.
Raj: Why not? She's nice, I'm nice. We're just as likely to be happy as any other two people. Maybe even happier. (to Leonard) Sorry, that was not a swipe at you.
Leonard: I didn't think it was.
Raj: Yeah, good, 'cause it was not.