Bernadette: You okay? You seem distracted.
Howard: I'm just thinking about Raj.
Bernadette: I'm thinking about Chris Hemsworth.

Stuart: Do you still want to go out with me?
Denise: Absolutely. Hey, maybe we can go find Nemo together.
Stuart: That's a good one.
Denise: Do your 63 other crayon friends know you're out?
Stuart: Are you just gonna make fun of me all night?
Denise: Probably.
Stuart: Great. So what are we thinking, Chinese?
Denise: Yeah, I'm in the mood for orange chicken.

Sheldon: Leonard's about to demand a job that I don't think the university will give him. I'm worried he's making a giant mistake. But maybe I only think that because deep down I don't want him to succeed.
Amy: The fact that you're worried about your motivation supports the idea that you genuinely care for your friend.
Sheldon: I do. Thank you, Amy. You know what? After I've talked to Leonard, you've earned yourself a bonus lecture on Sponge Hulk.
Amy: That'll show me.

Raj: Sounds like someone's in there.
Bernadette: My God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed?
Howard: Or worse, what if they're back early?

Amy: Hey. Wait a minute, what about us? I mean, we're married now. Maybe we want to buy the house next door.
Sheldon: Well, Amy, we can't move. I'd have to change all the tags in my underwear.
Amy: You can buy new ones.
Sheldon: New house, new underwear. What am I, in the Witness Protection Program?

Amy: How's this for a compromise? Make all the schedules you want, just don't tell me about them.
Sheldon: Excellent. I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule.
Yeah, and do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?
Amy: Because the generation of true random numbers remains an unsolved problem in computer science.
Sheldon: Come with me.
Amy: Where are we going?
Sheldon: To the hotel room. And when we get there, I'm gonna need you to say that again, except naked.

Beverly Hofstadter: Penny, go on.
Penny: Well, ever since his paper got disproven, he's been a wreck. He's been sad and and angry. He just seems kind of broken.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, it sounds like he may be grieving.
Penny: Really? Over a theory?
Beverly Hofstadter: Of course. You can grieve over any emotional loss. The more you care about something, the greater the trauma of losing it.
Leonard: Oh, boy. He cared about this a lot.
Penny: Yeah. What can we do to help him?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, grieving is a process. Every culture has its own rituals and traditions to facilitate mourning. The ancient Egyptians had their mummification, the Tibetans had their sky funerals-
Leonard: And when I was little and my dog died, my mom sat me down and very gently told me that she wished the truck had hit my dad instead.
Beverly Hofstadter: I was trying to lighten the mood. Your dog had just died.

Interviewer: I'm about to start recording. Are you guys ready?
Amy: Sheldon, are you ready?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Interviewer: Great. So, Dr. Cooper, my first question is for you.
Sheldon: Oh, goody.
Interviewer: Would you say that your paper is an extension of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski?
Sheldon: ... I'll be in the car.

Sheldon: Gee, I'm sorry, I didn't watch the news today. Has the whole world gone mad?
Leonard: It's my house. I'm tired of being told where I can and can't sit.
Sheldon: [to Penny] You did this. Amy, grab your meat. We're leaving in a huff.
Amy: I'm sorry, if I don't go now, it's not a huff.

Howard: How you doing?
Bernadette: Fine. Why?
Howard: Well, this is the furthest we've ever been away from the kids. I was just checking to see if you're okay.
Bernadette: I'm on my second Jack Reacher. I'm doing great.

Bernadette: You realize it's been years since we've got away just the two of us.
Howard: I know. I can't wait. Fancy hotel room. The big bed.
Bernadette: Yeah. We're gonna sleep our asses off.

Howard: And then Andy said if we want privacy, we should plant some trees. The only way I know how to do that is to give a dollar and tree shows up in Israel.

Mrs. Fowler: Larry? I know you're in there!
Penny: Is that Amy's mom?
Mrs. Fowler: Let me in. (shouting) Let me in!
Leonard: Either that or the Big Bad Wolf.

Leonard: Uh, hurry. Raj is on next.
Penny: All right. I can't believe they canceled Vampire Diaries but they'll show this.
Leonard: This is the news.
Penny: And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires. What is your point?

Raj: Now it's happening to me. Ooh, I should probably make a list of all the scientific inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2.
Penny: You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie?
Raj: Hey, your husband's the one who took me.
Leonard: Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it.