Stuart: Whoa, whoa. You're not gonna cut open a meteor, are you? Have you not learned anything from comic books? Space viruses? Pod people? I sell nothing but warnings.

Raj: Calm down, Stuart. You're being a little crazy.
Denise: Oh, is he? Is he being crazy? Or is he the only one around here who's making any sense?
Raj: It's nice they found each other.

Leonard: Just seems dumb to not use the laser.
Stuart: Not as dumb as unleashing a plague on mankind, but, hey, what do we know?
Leonard: Literally nothing.

Howard: We spent half the day down at the city planning office, and didn't solve a thing.
Bernadette: Now we have to go back tomorrow.
Sheldon: The planning office? You lucky ducks.

Stuart: Yeah, this one made me go for ice cream and talk about her day. Spoiler alert: it was fine.
Amy: It wasn't fine. I got trapped in an elevator.
Sheldon: I may have missed a few details. The bottom of my cone was drippy.

Howard: So now we have to download all these forms and fill them out.
Sheldon: We get it. Your life is great. Stop rubbing it in.
Amy: Yeah, quit it.

Sheldon: Is one of the forms the 599B/C? Because, if so, it has a doozy of a typo.
Howard: I don't know.
Sheldon: All right, well, I don't want to spoil anything, but you might want to start practicing your "siglature."

Bernadette: Sheldon, if you like this stuff, why don't you come and do it with us?
Howard: Or instead of us?
Sheldon: [gasps] Do you mean it? No, no, wait, it's too late. You can't take it back.

Penny: Well, Amy, looks like the elevator might have been the high point of your day.

Sheldon: Purell. Purell. Purell. Purell. Can I top anybody off?

Penny: Are you okay?
Leonard: (pants) That depends. What-what color are my eyes?
Penny: I don't know, brown? No, green. No, wait, brown.
Leonard: Oh, good, I'm awake.

Sheldon: And you'll be happy to know that, while I was there, I did look into your neighbor's balcony, and it is encroaching on your property line. I had all this pent-up snitch energy, so I reported him hard.
Howard: What did they say?
Sheldon: He's going to have to remove it.
Bernadette: [chuckles] So the good guys win?
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if I'd call you the good guys.You're enforcing a law on him that you're willfully ignoring yourselves.
Bernadette: Uh, all right, fine. So the morally compromised guys win.
Sheldon: Apparently so. Now, if one of you'd be kind enough to take me home, I need to use my bathroom.
Howard: What's wrong with the one here?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I want to live.

Howard: So, what's up?
Sheldon: I went down to the city Code Compliance Office to turn you in.
Howard: Are you kidding?
Sheldon: But I didn't do it. I filled out the form and then realized that the unwritten rules of friendship are more important than the written rules of the city of Altadena's Zoning and Planning Department.
Bernadette: Aww.
Howard: Really, "aww?"

Howard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Can you come over here?
Howard: Sheldon, the deck is safe. You can walk on it.
Sheldon: [after gently stepping onto the deck] Oh, that gets the heart going.

Leonard: You guys got a second?
Raj: Leonard, I told you, buddy. We don't need to use your laser.
Bert: Yeah, all we need is Terry Brad-saw. That's what I named my saw.