Bernadette: Why don't you want to work with me? I know I can be tough, but that's just 'cause I'm surrounded by useless idiots.

Mrs. Fowler: I can't believe it. All this time I've been angry at you when I should have been angry at Amy.
Sheldon: Look at that. We're both angry at Amy. Maybe that's something we could bond over. Let me ask you this: how do you feel about Howard?
Mrs. Fowler: Oh, is he that odd little friend you have with the haircut?
Sheldon: I may have married the wrong Fowler.

Howard: William Shatner, Kevin Smith. Who else could be there?
Leonard: Do you see what I see over his shoulder?
Howard: Is that a ghost?
Raj: I think it's Stuart.
Sheldon: That is Stuart. What-What's he doing there?
Raj: Maybe he died in Wil's house and he can't leave until he solves his own murder.

Sheldon: Leonard we need to do something about your wife.
Leonard: What's the matter?
Sheldon: She is clearly sick, and she's gonna take us all down with her.
Leonard: She's not sick, Sheldon.
Sheldon: She is, and I'm gonna catch it, and it's gonna ruin the greatest day of my life.
Leonard: I promise you're not going to get what she has.
Penny: What's going on?
Sheldon: [gasps] Unclean! Unclean!
Penny: What?
Leonard: He thinks you're sick.
Penny: Oh. Should we tell him?
Leonard: Well, if we don't, he might try and jump out of the plane.
Penny: Yeah. Doesn't answer my question.

Amy: Let's just go to sleep. We'll look at it in the morning with fresh eyes, and maybe it'll come to us.
Sheldon: Fine.
Amy: Or we go tear apart that box and look for a clue.
Sheldon: Staying up past my bedtime and solving mysteries? Who knew married life could be this good?

Tour Guide: And here we have the former hotel where Tesla perfected the three-phase alternating current motor.
Sheldon: That's wrong. I'm gonna say something.
Amy: Don't.
Sheldon: Well, then how will everyone know I'm the smartest boy here?

Sheldon: It's so funny, we did all these experiments on them and they didn't even notice.
Amy: I know, I was worried it would be obvious, but it wasn't.

Howard: Wow. I wonder what that guy could've done to make Sheldon not talk to him for 20 years.
Leonard: I wonder if it'd work a second time.

Raj: I came here for your support.
Leonard: Well, then, you just walked up three flights of stairs for nothing.
Penny: Wait, don't you mean four flights?
Leonard: No, it's actually three.
Penny: But we're on the fourth floor. I mean, you have the lobby, first floor, second, third, fourth.
Leonard: The lobby's the first floor, so lobby, second, third, fourth.
Penny: That does not seem right.

Leonard: Don't make it sound childish. It's the scientific word for dust.
Penny: What was wrong with "dust"?

Bernadette: Look at Howard. He was a disaster when I met him. Now he's a foxy astronaut with a hot wife.
Raj: Wait, he always wanted to be an astronaut.
Bernadette: He thinks that, too. That's how good I am.

Amy: Whatcha doin'?
Penny: You scared me.
Amy: I'll ask again. What-cha doin'?
Penny: Nothing.
Amy: Really? You and Bernadette aren't doing stuff without me?
Penny: What? No! Why would you even say that?
Amy: You know how your talent is getting just drunk enough to have a good time without being hungover the next day?
Penny: Thank you.
Amy: Well, mine is knowing when I'm being excluded.

Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Uh, I'm Leonard Hofstadter. I called you about the apartment. You said-
Tam: Tell him to go away. You already have a roommate.

Leonard: Sheldon, that was really rude.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Amy is the one constant I can count on, and now she's changing.
Leonard: It's just a haircut and some clothes.
Sheldon: No, it's the last straw! I can't take any more! [elevator bell dings]
Penny: Can you believe it? They finally fixed the elevator.

Amy: Really, Sheldon? You want to do it again?
Sheldon: Don't act surprised. It's clearly marked on the schedule. Now, shall we steam the wrinkles out of our wizard robes, or make vigorous, socially sanctioned love? Either way, I can check something off my to-do list.
Amy: [reading Sheldon's to-do list on his phone] Socially sanc-- Oh, wow. Yeah, there it is right there.