Penny: Uh, hey, guys, guys, you will really appreciate this, I read the best science joke on the Internet. Alicia, you won't get it, but it's right up their alley. Anyway, so, this physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream sundae for himself, and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing. The man says, "Well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics teaches us that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me." The owner then says, "Well, lots of single, beautiful women come in here every day, why don't you buy an ice cream for one of them, and they might fall in love with you?" And the physicist says, "Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?"
Leonard: It's a little insulting, don't you think?
Penny: How would I know? I'm not even sure I get it.

Sheldon: Oh, boy.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I can't comment without violating our agreement that I don't criticize your work.
Leonard: Then what was "Oh, boy"?
Sheldon: Great restraint on my part.
Leonard: There's nothing wrong with the science here.
Sheldon: Perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say science.
Leonard: [makes a change] Okay, how's that?
Sheldon: You actually had it right in the first place. Once again, you've fallen for one of my classic pranks. Bazinga!

Leonard: Where's my Bat Signal?
Penny: You have a Bat Signal?
Leonard: I did. It was right here. She must have- Oh, my God, we're living together.

Raj: I know, I am resplendent like the noonday sun, am I not?

Barry Kripke: I like to floss before I eat so my gum pockets are open to new food.

Wolowitz: He doesn't do anything for me. If I were going to go that way, I'm more of a Zac Efron kind of guy.
Raj: Oh yeah, like you have a shot with Zac Efron.

Leonard: You could be Batman?
Sheldon: Yeah. I'm Batman. See?

Penny: It's just this is only our first date.
Leonard: Well, why don't we just figure out where we're going, and when we want to get there, and then rate of speed equals distance over time, solve for 'r'.
Penny: Or we could just wing it.

Leonard: Okay, I have just one question for you. While I am perfectly happy with the way things are between us, you said that you didn't wanna go out with me because I was too smart for you. Well, news flash, lady: David Underhill is 10 times smarter than me. You'd have to drive a railroad spike into his head for me to beat him at checkers. Next to him, I'm one of those sign-language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes. So my question is what's up with that?
Penny: (tearfully) Why are you yelling at me?
Leonard: Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Never mind, we're cool.

Raj: What happens in costume at comic-con stays at comic-com.
Howard: You're only saying that because of what happened to you.
Leonard: What happened to you?
Raj: Nothing happened to me.
Howard: It wasn't your fault, Raj, he was dressed like a green Orion slave girl.
Raj: How did we get on me, we were mocking Leonard for not moving on, dude, you have totally not moved on.

Leslie: Hey, dummy.
Sheldon: Hello to you, insufficiently intelligent person.
Leslie: Ooh, rush me to the burn unit.

Leonard: Well, I think tonight was a very good start.
Leslie: Me too. You're sure you're okay postponing intercourse until our relationship is past the initial viability test?
Leonard: No problem, I'm very skilled at postponing intercourse. So I guess I'll call you and we'll arrange another evening.
Leslie: Yes. I believe protocol dictates that you wait a minimum of 18 hours before you call so I'm not repulsed by your cloying eagerness.
Leonard: Sure.
Leslie: Again, it's your decision, you're the man.

DMV Worker: Application?
Sheldon: I'm actually more of a theorist.
Howard: The application in your hand, give it to her.
Sheldon: Oh.

Leonard: So, how'd it go with Ramona last night?
Sheldon: Oh, great. She's smart, insightful and she has a very unique way of, you know, revering me.

Penny: (entering) Howard, your scooter's blocking my car. Aw, did you get pinkeye again?
Howard: Step one, she notices the eye patch. May I say, Penny, not a lot of women could look as hot as you do with such greasy hair? (She pulls his eye patch away from his face, then lets it snap back to his face)
Penny: Yeah, just move your stupid scooter before I pick it up and throw it in the dumpster.
Howard: Ow.