Howard: You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.
Sheldon: Which one picks last?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Well, usually I'm on the team that picks last. Unless there's a kid in the wheelchair.

Sheldon: I'm glad we're still friends.
Penny: Really?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain.

Leonard: Well, I can't read your mind, Penny!
Penny: Really? Why not? You're so smart, and I'm so dumb.

Raj: I don't care! And why don't you think I can find a woman for myself?
Mrs. Koothrappali: Because you're twenty-seven, and the closest thing we have to a daughter-in-law is that Jewish boy Howard.

Sheldon: Come on, Leonard, if you roll a six, Penny dies horribly in a nuclear meltdown. See what I mean when I say the fun is real?

Leonard: So, by friend, do you mean friend friend, gay friend, or ex boyfriend who you're now platonic with but still might have a thing for your friend?
Penny: Well, he's definitely not gay.
Leonard: Oh, a definitely not gay musician sleeping on my girlfriend's couch. Yippee!

Penny: Oh and FYI, you never even heard of The Black Eyed Peas until you met me.
Leonard: I'd heard of them. Didn't know they were a band.

Penny: Oh, there it is again. You think I'm stupid.
Leonard: No, there's a difference between being stupid and acting stupid.
Penny: Oh, yeah? Well, there's a difference between being a jerk and being an ass.
Leonard: No, there isn't. They're synonyms.

Stuart: I was thinking of closing early and going home, but let's face it, that's just a slightly smaller lonely room filled with comics.

Sheldon: That's exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life.

Penny: Kite fighting?
Leonard: Oh, yeah. It's an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.
Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-present danger.

Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali's right. Maybe I embarrass her.
Sheldon: You're embarrassing me right now. A grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.

Howard: I would have caught up to her if I hadn't pulled a hammy.
Raj: Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don't have a hammy.

Penny: We won.
Leonard: Oh, that's excellent. It's a weird figure of speech, isn't it? We won, when you weren't actually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don't say we defeated the empire.
Penny: I'm glad to hear it.

Raj: I'm just saying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.