Howard: I'm sorry I couldn't hang with you last night. I had a date with Bernadette.
Raj: I know. I saw the tweet.
Howard: So, what did you end up doing?
Raj: Not much. Nuked a burrito. Prayed to the Hindu god Urvashi that your bowels would loosen and your penis would droop like a willow tree.

Sheldon: I've made you breakfast. Juice, coffee, and pancakes in the shape of some of your favorite fictional characters. See, here's Frodo.
Leonard: You made Frodo pancakes?
Sheldon: Yeah, I used coconut shavings to do the hair on his feet. If you need to void your bladder before eating, I can keep them warm with this beret that I thoroughly laundered and pressed into service as a pancake cosy.
Leonard: Why are you doing this?
Sheldon: It's by way of an apology for my recent behaviour. I've had some time to reflect and I've come to realize that friendship is not an aggregation of written agreements. It's a result of two people respecting and caring for each other. Butterscotch scone?
Leonard: Thanks. It's good.
Sheldon: What you're tasting is respect and affection. And about a pound of Crisco. After you've finished breakfast, I thought we could spend the day watching the final season of Babylon 5 with director commentary.
Leonard: You hate Babylon 5.
Sheldon: I do. It fails as drama, science fiction, and it's hopelessly derivative. But you like it, and you're my friend.
Leonard: Okay, great. Still not taking you to Switzerland.
Sheldon: Drat. No Frodo for you.

Sheldon: But my true purpose in being here will be revealed in this brief PowerPoint presentation. Lights. "Why Sheldon Cooper, PhD, should go to Switzerland to see the CERN supercollider", a PowerPoint presentation by Sheldon Cooper, PhD.
Penny: Oh, for God's sake.
Sheldon: Here we have a highly gifted researcher in the field of particle physics whose work has brought him to the precipice of forever changing mankind's understanding of the universe, a.k.a. me. And here we have a waitress brushing her teeth with her finger, a.k.a. you.
Penny: I'm sorry. Is this supposed to be buttering me up?
Sheldon: Please hold all questions to the end of the presentation. This is the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in Switzerland, the product of decades of planning and construction. It is a Mecca for physicists the world over. This is Bath and Body Works on Colorado Boulevard. They sell scented soaps and lotions, some of which contain glitter. Now, let's see if we can match the individual to the appropriate destination.
Penny: Okay, show's over.

Raj: You know what? Even though I don't have a girlfriend, I can still have a good time on Valentine's Day.
Howard: Trust me, you can't. I've tried.
Raj: No, no, no, I’m going to have a me day. First I’m going to go to one of those spas in Koreatown, take a steam and get a massage. Then I’m going to stop at a pet store and get licked by puppies.

Leonard: Sheldon, I need to talk to you.
Sheldon: All right, my friend. Would you like some cholermues?
Leonard: Some what?
Sheldon: Cholermues. It's a traditional Swiss breakfast dish. I'm preparing my gastrointestinal system for the exotic cuisine of Switzerland.
Leonard: You're not going to Switzerland!
Sheldon: Oh, but I am. Didn't Penny tell you the good news?
Leonard: She told me that you went behind my back to guilt her into letting you go instead of her.
Sheldon: Yes, that good news.

Sheldon: With the friendship clause of our roommate agreement nullified you are no longer entitled to accompany me to go swimming at Bill Gates’ house should I be invited.

*Penny sneezes*
Leonard: Gesundheit. Or as they say in Switzerland, gesundheit. You getting a cold?
Penny: No, no, it's probably just allergies.
Leonard: Do you want an allergy pill? 'cause I have 'em all. Prescription, nonprescription, foreign, domestic, experimental.
Penny: Do any of them work?
Leonard: Not really. I'm just an enthusiast.

Sheldon: I've decided that I'm going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy of this month's Batman.
Howard: That's crazy. Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.
Sheldon: Yes, which is why no one else will ask him to sign one, and I will be the possessor of a unique, albeit confusing, artefact, which will set me apart from the hoi polloi of comic book fandom

Penny: Okay, look, they sent me the ticket. I told them I wasn't driving and they were all, if it wasn't you, who was it?
Sheldon: So you betrayed me?
Penny: No, it wasn't a betrayal. It was more of a can't afford any more points on my license. I already have to buy my insurance from this place in the Cayman Islands.

Raj: I can't wait to ask Stan Lee why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names that start with the same letter.
Leonard: Oh, come on, why would you do that?
Raj: Bruce Banner, Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Stephen Strange, Otto Octavius, Silver Surfer, Peter Parker. Oh, and worst of all, J. Jonah Jameson, Jr.

Raj: Fantastic Four, Daredevil, Invincible Iron Man, Happy Hogan, Curt Connors.
Howard: Would you just let it go?
Raj: And worst of all, Fin Fang Foom.

Leonard: Hey, Stuart, what's going on?
Stuart: Well, you might want to mark your Google calendars. Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday.
Sheldon: Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography? I'm sure ages 79 through 87 were just action-packed.

Stuart: No, just a regular comic signing. My uncle is his dermatologist and Stan's doing him a favor.
Sheldon: Oh, I don't want to know that! How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundations for interstellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of contagious skin disease?
Leonard: Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.
Sheldon: Well, look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now.

Sheldon: There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.
Howard: Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?
Leonard: He does. And in the kitchen. And in the car. And in his pocket.
Sheldon: Yeah, but the ones in my pocket are mine.

Leonard: So, who's Stan Lee?
Penny: Um, he was on Star Trek.
Leonard: Nope.
Penny: Star Wars?
Leonard: No.
Penny: Um, uh, Stan Lee, oh, he was in those goofy kung fu movies you love so much?
Leonard: That's Bruce Lee.
Penny: Oh. So, is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother, Stan?