Howard: You've also got something from the Pasadena Municipal Court.
Sheldon: Undoubtedly yet another snide response to my repeated letters complaining that the flags in front of the courthouse are flying in the wrong order. From left to right, it's supposed to be federal, state, and then city of Pasadena.
Penny: I'm sorry. You sent more than one letter about that?
Sheldon: It bothers me.

Leonard: Oh, that's right. Thursday is Stan Lee Day.
Sheldon: Now you see what you've done? Because of you, we're all going to miss Stan Lee.
Leonard: Whoa! What do you mean all?
Sheldon: Well, you're my friends. You'll be standing by my side, supporting me, feeding me legal precedents, and if you had the upper body strength, carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.
Leonard: Yeah, okay. No.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you will not stand beside me as I plead my case?
Leonard: Thats what I'm saying.

Sheldon: Howard?
Howard: Wow. Uh, Stan Lee, or you in court? Uh, if this was Sophie's Choice it would've been a much shorter movie. No.

Sheldon: All right, then, my so-called friends have forsaken me. So, I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.
Penny: Oh, balls.
Sheldon: Please try to wear something appropriate. It won't help my case if the judge is busy trying to read the word Juicy scrawled across your buttocks.

Sheldon: Now, sit down. I call your attention to the events of November 16. Do you remember that date?
Penny: (reading the transcript Sheldon prepared) Darn tootin', I do, if the court will excuse my homespun, corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase.
Sheldon: Excellent. Go on.
Penny: The reason that date is, like, so totally fixed in my memory is that I had the privilege to be witness to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in, like, ever.
Sheldon: And who performed that heroic act?
Penny: Why, you did, sir. You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and may I add, it is a privilege to know you.
Sheldon: There's no need for compliments, this court is only interested in the facts.
Penny: But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you. Totally. A teardrop rolls down my cheek?
Sheldon: Only a suggestion. A catch in your throat would work just as well.
Penny: (feigning sadness) But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you. Totally.
Sheldon: Maybe you should put on your Juicy pants again.

Judge: Impressive.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Judge: Guilty. Pay the cashier.
Sheldon: I object. You're completely ignoring the law.
Judge: No, I'm following the law. I'm ignoring you.

Sheldon: I am a scientist. I never apologize for the truth.

Penny: We're home.
Leonard: Oh, hey, buddy. How'd it go?
Sheldon: You know very well how it went.
Leonard: Yeah, but we all want to hear it from you.
Sheldon: I was found guilty and fined $533.
Penny: I'm going to write you a check for that. As long as you promise to put it in your drawer and never cash it, like the others.

Sheldon: I also now have three points on a driver's license I do not yet possess, and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology, simply because I refuse to urinate in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.
Howard: Plus, you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.

Leonard: Okay, that's enough, Howard. The poor guy's had a tough time. He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail wearing that suit.
Howard: You're right, so it would be cruel to mention that after he finished signing autographs, Stan Lee took Stuart and us out for gelato.
Sheldon: You had gelato with Stan Lee?
Howard: He said we could call him Stan.
Leonard: Except for Raj.

Sheldon: Well, I hope you're satisfied, Penny. You are responsible for all the evil that has befallen me today.
Penny: Okay, I realize that-
Sheldon: Not finished. It is because of you that I now have a criminal record, and it is because of you that I missed out on having gelato with Stan Lee.
Penny: Okay, maybe youll have another chance to have-
Sheldon: No, no. I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee because opportunities to have gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime. The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on!

Penny: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: Oh, hey, Penny. Wow. Hi.
Penny: What's going on?
Stuart: Nothing. I'm just getting ready to close up and head out.
Penny: Ah. Cool. Got any fun plans?
Stuart: Oh, yeah. Big night tonight. Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.
Penny: Oh, nice.
Stuart: Not even my cat. I just feed it. Some nights it doesn't even show up.

Sheldon: This is Stan Lee's front door. We were on Stan Lee's curb, then we were on Stan Lee's walk, and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.
Penny: Yup.
Sheldon: Oh, Lord, you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell. At Stan Lee's house. We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.
Penny: Okay, sweetie, I don't know if we're gonna have cookies, or he's just gonna say hi, or really what's gonna happen, so just let me talk...

Penny: Oh, it's about time. I'm starving.
Leonard: Uh, well, we didn't actually get Chinese food.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: Don't panic, this is better.
Penny: Oh, no, you didn't trade the food for magic beans, did you?

Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.
Penny: Yeah, sometimes I dont listen, sometimes I just watch your jaw go up and down.