Howard: We got this whole box for sixty bucks.
Leonard: We didn't even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.
Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? 'cause you might need one.

Leonard: No. But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script with actual slime stains! (Raj whispers to Leonard) Oh, you're right, it's Ghostbusters 2. Never mind.

Penny: Okay, I'm just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese and window-shop on eHarmony.

Howard: Anyway, he said this isn't a replica. It's the real deal.
Sheldon: If you're suggesting that that is the actual ring of power forged by Sauron in Mount Doom, I look at you with an expression of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement.

Sheldon: Mine!
Leonard: No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together.
Sheldon: Well, yes, but I found it in the box, and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state that the finder of a sunken treasure is the owner of the treasure.
Leonard: How is this maritime salvage?
Sheldon: Other than the lack of water, how is it not?

Raj: Okay, that's a lot of money. The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical. Like a jet ski.
Howard: Why do you want a jet ski?
Raj: All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis. That can't just be a coincidence.

Sheldon: We can't sell it. We have to keep it and love it and polish it, and only take it out occasionally when we go to the park and re-enact our favourite scenes from the movies.
Howard: It's sad how great that sounds.

Leonard: Guys, it's stolen. It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies, it belongs to him.
Howard: Fine. He can have it back as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.
Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.
Howard: Clearly, you've never been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashanah.

Leonard: All right, where's the ring?
Sheldon: You mean my ring?
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: The ring was unguarded, it was just sitting on the table, anyone could have taken it. Proof? I did.

Penny: Hey, guys. Enjoying your food that I actually brought you instead of promising food, but bringing you a box of random crap?
Leonard: Yeah, it's delicious. The sarcasm's a little stale, though.

Leonard: Will you hold on to this for a couple of days?
Penny: Why?
Leonard: It's a prop from a movie, and were kind of fighting over it.
Penny: Okay, just to be clear, the first piece of jewelery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don't even get to keep it?
Howard: If you had gone out with me three years ago, by now, youd have my great Aunt Ida's brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.

Howard: So, Sheldon, how's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I'd had the presence of mind to reabsorb her, then I'd have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.

Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.
Raj: There are six seasons, dude.
Leonard: Oh, crap!
Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don't know if we can trust him again. It's a wild ride.

Raj: I think it's lovely you call your mommy and let her know you're going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn't breast-feed on time, it's very uncomfortable for her boobies.
Howard: Don't you talk about my mother’s boobies!
Raj: If you're offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother's boobies.

Sheldon: Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don't you go after Raj's mother?
Raj: Why don't we go after your mother?
Sheldon: Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother. She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you'd like to add?