Howard: So, Sheldon, how's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I'd had the presence of mind to reabsorb her, then I'd have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.

Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.
Raj: There are six seasons, dude.
Leonard: Oh, crap!
Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don't know if we can trust him again. It's a wild ride.

Raj: I think it's lovely you call your mommy and let her know you're going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn't breast-feed on time, it's very uncomfortable for her boobies.
Howard: Don't you talk about my mother’s boobies!
Raj: If you're offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother's boobies.

Sheldon: Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don't you go after Raj's mother?
Raj: Why don't we go after your mother?
Sheldon: Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother. She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you'd like to add?

Sheldon: Waterfalls!
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.
Howard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Subliminal messaging. I'm going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.
Raj: It's not working, dude.
Sheldon: Oh-ho-ho, it's working all right. I have to pee.

Leonard: Oh, my God. I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda. I love you, Penny.
Penny: Oh. Oh. Thank you.

Howard: Hey, Leonard, where do you come down on giant ants?
Raj: Sheldon says impossible. Howard and I say not only possible, but as a mode of transportation, way cooler than a Batmobile.
Sheldon: You are ignoring the square-cube law. The giant ant would be crushed under the weight of its own exoskeleton. And for the record, the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is jet pack, hoverboard, transporter, Batmobile, and then giant ant.

Leonard: Seriously? You have nothing better to do than sit around and discuss the possibility of giant ants?
Howard: What's with him?
Sheldon: Perhaps he's at a sensitive point in his monthly cycle.
Howard: Are you saying he's man-struating?
Sheldon: Not literally. But as far back as the 17th century, scientists observed a 33-day fluctuation in men's hormone levels.
Raj: Interesting. That might explain my weepy days in the middle of the month. You know what I'm talking about.

Howard: Leonard, where do you stand on giant rabbits and scrotal position?
Leonard: I honestly don't care.
Raj: Really? Because every time we've talked about unusual animal genitals, you've always had some pretty strong and controversial opinions.

Leonard: What do you want from me? I just don't give a rat's ass.
Howard: Would that be a giant rat's ass?
Sheldon: For the record, giant rats are possible.

Leonard: Can we please talk about something else? Maybe something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet?
Howard: Okay, how about this for a topic, why is Leonard being a giant douche? Assuming giant douches are possible.
Sheldon: Of course they are. Leonard's being one.

Raj: Maybe he's having a lover's spat with Penny.
Leonard: No, there was no spat.
Howard: Oh, but something happened.
Leonard: I don't want to talk about it.
Sheldon: But I sense you're going to and I don't want to hear about it. Excuse me.

Howard: What'd you do, Romeo? You pour maple syrup all over your body and ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?
Raj: Did you think it would be funny to put on a pair of her panties and jump around, but it wound up just creeping her out?
Leonard: What? No.
Raj: I'm just asking, dude. It happens.

Stuart: You guys still on for bowling tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. You bowl like your mama. Unless, of course, she bowls well. In which case, you bowl nothing like her.
Stuart: Oh. Ouch.
Sheldon: That is what is referred to as a burn on you.

Howard: Did you ask her to start waxing?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Did you start waxing?
Leonard: No.
Howard: While making love, did you accidentally spank your own ass and cry out Mommy?
Leonard: I'm walking away from you now.
Howard: That wasn't a no.
Raj: Yeah, I think we're getting close.