Sheldon: A common spare. The Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant. Before you jump on Twitter to tout your modest accomplishment, watch how its really done.

Raj: Ah, the premature "I love you".
Howard: I guessed premature. Does that count?

Penny: What?
Sheldon: This is for you.
Penny: Ice cream?
Sheldon: I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises by studying the comic strip Cathy. When she's upset, she says Ack! and eats ice cream.
Penny: Um, Ack!
Sheldon: If you were a cat, I would have brought you a lasagna.

Penny: Did Leonard send you over here?
Sheldon: No, we haven't spoken since your abrupt departure last night caused us to forfeit to Stuart and his dastardly ringer Wil Wheaton.
Penny: Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
Sheldon: I'm not too proud to admit that I cried myself to sleep.

Sheldon: And let me tell you sleep did not come easily with Leonard in the next room singing along with Alanis Morrisette.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: No. Clearly another woman in dire need of ice cream.

Leonard: We don't have to talk 'cause there's nothing to talk about. Everything's good.
Penny: Really? So, you didn't get all snarky 'cause I said something nice to a bowl of chilli fries?

Leonard: All right, maybe I overreacted. So we're in two different places emotionally. So what? And maybe I'm a little ahead of you. That's fine. You know. In fact, it makes sense, 'cause let's face it, I've been in this relationship two years longer than you.

Sheldon: All right! Fence mended, problem swept under the rug. Time to bowl! Yes, I was eavesdropping. There's a lot at stake here.

Stuart: I, um, I want you to know that even though we're on opposite sides, I, I bear you no ill will.
Penny: Thank you, Stuart. It's nice to know.
Stuart: People from opposite sides often have good relationships. You know, Romeo and Juliet, Tony and Maria from West Side Story, what's-his-name and the big blue chick in Avatar. ... I'm gonna bowl now.

Sheldon: Did you let Wil Wheaton get in your head?
Penny: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: He's evil. He plays evil mind games. Did he tell you his grandmother died?
Penny: No!
Sheldon: Well, if he does, don't believe it. He's not above playing the dead meemaw card.

Sheldon: I was going to get my mail.
Penny: Okay. Are you hoping to get it telepathically?
Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.

Sheldon: I'm glad we're still friends.
Penny: Really?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain.

Penny: So, how you been?
Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
Penny: You're just coitusing with me, aren't you?
Sheldon: Bazinga!

Howard: Yeah, since when do you take walks?
Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increase serotonin. And you know me, if there's one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it's serotonin. Bye-bye.

Howard: So what, you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs?
Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior.