Sheldon: Uh, do you know how I solved the balanced center combat-area problem? Five words, transitional quadrilateral to triangular tessellation.
Leonard: That's brilliant.
Sheldon: It's what I do. But wait, there's more. I also invented two new chess pieces. The serpent and the old woman.
Leonard: Okay, now I have to ask. What do they do?
Sheldon: When the serpent slithers to an opposing player's piece, that piece is considered poisoned and will die after two more moves. Ugh.
Leonard: All right.
Sheldon: Unless, it gets to the old woman in time, in which case she sucks out the poison, turning her into the Grand Empress, a piece combining the power of the knight, queen and serpent.
Leonard: Elegant.
Sheldon: That's because it's simple.

Leonard: Okay, well, I look forward to playing with you.
Sheldon: And...
Leonard: And what?
Sheldon: And a third person. It's three-person chess. I must say, ever since you started having regular intercourse, your mind has lost its keen edge. You should reflect on that.

Priya: Oh, would you please stop feeling sorry for yourself?
Raj: I have to feel sorry for myself. I'm the only one who cares. Just like I'm the only one who'll have sex with me.
Leonard: Really? In front of your sister?
Priya: We shared a room growing up. This is not news to me.

Amy: I don't understand. Is this a way to break in new shoes?
Penny: No. Once these puppies touch the ground they're mine, and I'll have to wear them walking up and down Hollywood Boulevard in order to pay them off. Pretty, pretty, pretty.

Amy: Good news, the wildebeest is in the curry.
Penny: The what?
Amy: Bernadette is with Priya and Leonard. Message received. Commence Operation "Priya Wouldn't Wanna Be-ya."

Penny: Hey. Seriously? Didn't you get enough of this cliquey crap in high school?
Amy: I wish. A clique requires friends. I didn't have any.
Penny: None?
Amy: I used to take my lunch down to the maintenance room and eat with the janitor. It was nice until his wife called me a puta and made me stop.

Amy: Hang on. It's the wildebeest. Priya just made a snide comment about your acting career.
Penny: What the hell did she say?
Amy: She thinks it's cool you're following your dream, no matter what.
Penny: That bitch!

Amy: How do you want to handle it?
Penny: Um, okay. Tell Bernadette to tell Priya that I'm on my way to Prague to shoot a movie with Angelina Jolie.
Amy: Got it. Is it going to be in 3-D?
Penny: What? I don't know. It doesn't matter.
Amy: I'm gonna say 3-D. That'll let her know the studio has faith in it.

Sheldon: Social protocol does, however, require me to bring you a hot beverage in your time of need.
Raj: No, thank you. I'm fine.
Sheldon: It's not optional. We're out of tea. I hope you like bouillon.

Howard: Okay, I'm still trying to work this out. How did Penny meet an astronaut?
Bernadette: I don't know. The regular way people meet astronauts.
Howard: Most of those guys live in Texas.
Bernadette: Obviously, this one doesn't.
Howard: Okay.
Bernadette: Leonard lives here. Priya's from India. People meet, Howard. God!
Howard: Fine.
Bernadette: You've met lots of astronauts, and I've never grilled you about that. I'd thank you to extend me the same courtesy.

Leonard: I still can't get over the fact that she got a big movie part. Not that I care what my ex-girlfriend's up to, 'cause I don't.
Bernadette: Maybe that's where she met the astronaut, all right?
Priya: I'm sorry. What would an astronaut be doing working on a movie?
Bernadette: He's a consultant.
Leonard: I thought the movie was about 18th-century Vienna?
Bernadette: He can't have a hobby? Excuse me, I have to pee. Or is that implausible, as well?

Bernadette: (on the phone) I think they're on to me. The story's starting to fall apart.
Amy: (on the phone) Calm down. Everything's going to be okay. (To Penny) We may have to kill her.

Bernadette: I was too busy covering my heinie on Amy's stupid astronaut story!
Amy: What astronaut story?
Bernadette: You texted me "Penny's dating an astronaut."
Amy: I texted architect. That's amusing. Auto-correct must've changed it.
Bernadette: Yeah, it's hysterical.
Penny: All right, look, just forget about the astronaut.
Amy: Architect. Where would you have met an astronaut?

Sheldon: I'd like to buy a scone.
Waitress: Oh, I'm sorry, we're out. We have muffins.
Sheldon: They sound delicious, but this money is earmarked for scones.

Howard: Nice to see that the gals are getting along.
Leonard: Gals? Who are you, Fred Flintstone?