Sheldon: My catapult flings my bishop to Howard's Queen's Gorilla two.
Howard: Nice. Okay, rook to transporter pad. And he comes out at Leonard's Queen's Bishop five-and-a-third. Check on Leonard.
Leonard: Hang on. When is my pawn allowed to use the golf cart?
Sheldon: When it's done charging. Or you land on the time machine. Obviously.
Leonard: Oh, oh, Beekeeper to King 12. I capture your Pope and release the swarm. Checkmate on Sheldon.
Sheldon: I knew I should have given my Pope the jet pack.

Penny: Hey, do me a favor and take table seven.
Bernadette: You mean the one with my one hundred and eighteen-pound rock-hard stud of a fianc who's prone to canker sores and pinkeye?
Penny: Nah, I prefer to look at it as the one with my ex-boyfriend and his gorgeous, successful and sophisticated girlfriend, who makes me feel like a toothless Okie.

Bernadette: Do you want me to spill hot soup on her?
Penny: Oh, please, you're not that kind of person.
Bernadette: I know. But if she orders something low-fat I'll totally give her the full-fat version.

Leonard: Uh, that's my water.
Sheldon: What?
Leonard: My water. You're drinking it.
Sheldon: Dear Lord! Have you been drinking it?
Leonard: Yes. It's my water.
Sheldon: Well, that's it then. I'm dead.

Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, do I really need to connect the dots for you? The backwash into this glass is every pathogen that calls your mouth home, sweet home. Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue of your subtropical girlfriend.

Raj: Hey! That's my sister and my country you're talking about. Leonard may have defiled one, but I won't have you talking smack about the other.

Bernadette: You guys ready to order?
Sheldon: Yes, Id like a seven-day course of penicillin, some, uh, syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting, and a mint.

Leonard: That's actually my napkin.
Sheldon: Oh, this is a nightmare!
Howard: Where are you going?
Sheldon: To the bar, to sterilize my mouth with alcohol. Gangway, dead man walking!

Bernadette: All right. Here you go. Two lemonades, one iced tea and a root beer for Priya.
Priya: Is it diet?
Bernadette: That's what you ordered.

Priya: Hey, have you and Howard started planning your wedding yet?
Bernadette: Yeah. Were thinking of having it on a cliff overlooking the ocean.
Howard: Nothing soothes those pre-wedding jitters like the thought of falling and drowning.

Leonard: What did your mother say when you told her you were getting married?
Bernadette: He hasn't told her yet. He's waiting for the right time.
Howard: I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy.

Sheldon: Fire demon.
Raj: Ooh, fire demon. Sheldon's turning up the heat.
Howard: Troll master.
Raj: Check it! Howard pulls one out from under the bridge. Nice!
Leonard: Water nymph.
Raj: Oh, yeah, she's got puddles in all the right places.
Sheldon: Could you please play the game without commenting on every card?
Raj: Sorry. Walking tree.
Sheldon: Last one.
Raj: I'm taking a stroll and I'm sporting wood.

Howard: Okay, the Eagle has landed.
Leonard: What's going on?
Howard: Bernadette and my mother are having a get-to-know-you lunch at the Old Town Deli.
Raj: Oh, that sounds lovely.
Howard: Hope so. Of course, if history is any indication, my mother will swallow her whole and spit out her bones like an owl.

Leonard: Have you met Bernadette's parents?
Howard: You mean Adolf and Eva? Not yet. One goose step at a time.

Howard: Ma, I'm home! Where are you?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I'm in the toilet.
Howard: So, how'd it go?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Too soon to say. I'm not done yet.
Howard: No, I mean lunch, today, with Bernadette.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh! I had a pastrami sandwich. She had eggplant lasagna. Like that's what a person orders in a Jewish deli.