Penny: I don't care about Alex. Fine, I care. Okay, I hate that bitch. But what really hurt is that you liked it so much. I mean, do I need to be worried?
Leonard: Of course not. No. Why?
Penny: Because, she is pretty and smart, and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said.

Leonard: Hey, pretty lady.
Penny: Oh, you seem extra happy.
Leonard: Uh, I guess I am.
Penny: Any particular reason why?
Leonard: I don't know, just having a good day. This morning Sheldon fell asleep on the way to work, so I got to listen to the radio. That was pretty crazy.
Penny: Mm-hmm. Anything else?
Leonard: Mm. I found this quiz online called "Which Star Trek Character Are You?" and it only took me four tries to get Captain Kirk.

Alex: This conversation is making me uncomfortable.
Sheldon: Yeah, you and me both, sister. Now, please understand, I don't hold you responsible for your behavior because, see, from an evolutionary standpoint, you're a slave to your desire to reproduce. But during the work day, when you feel possessed by amorous intent, may I suggest that you suppress it by leafing through this illustrated book of sexually transmitted diseases? Let's see here. Oh, yes. Check out this oozy doozy.
Alex: I have to go.
Sheldon: So does this fellow, but he can't without it burning like hot soup.

Alex: Is there a problem?
Sheldon: Let's not call it a problem. Let's call it an opportunity. To solve a serious problem.

Leonard: Did you say something to Penny about Alex?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. Yeah, and a fat lot of good it did me. All she did was get mad at you.
Leonard: Why would you do that?
Sheldon: I needed advice about a woman. I would have asked you, but if the last few years have proven anything, it's that you cant tell a uterus from a unicycle.
Leonard: At least I know not to blab to a girl about somebody flirting with her boyfriend.
Sheldon: Good to know. Yeah, a few more helpful hints like that, you may find yourself on the Council of Ladies.

Leonard: And the one thing that could make it even better is an evening with my special girl.
Penny: Oh, and who's that?
Leonard: What do you mean?
Penny: Oh, I just didn't know if you meant me or Alex.
Leonard: Um, why would I mean Alex?
Penny: Because I know she hit on you and I know you liked it.
Leonard: What?
Penny: Don't play dumb with me, Ricardo Shilly-Shally!
Leonard: I'm missing something.

Penny: I'm gonna kill her.
Bernadette: Im sure you've got nothing to worry about. Leonard would never cheat on you.
Amy: She's right. But say the word, I got a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. One of them could end up in the backseat of her car. Or her shower.

Bernadette: Sheldon, you need to talk to Alex right away.
Sheldon: Talk to her? That's all you've got? With a cool name like Sheldon Cooper's Council of Ladies, I really expected more. Give me back the T-shirts.

Sheldon: Alex, check my schedule. What does my afternoon look like?
Alex: I think it's pretty wide open. Oh, wait. Here's something at four o'clock. "Give Alex a talking to"?
Sheldon: Well, that snuck up on us, didn't it?

Bernadette: Well, Alex is your employee. If she's doing something that's making Leonard uncomfortable, you should talk to her.
Sheldon: Oh, no, he's not uncomfortable at all. No, he's loving it. Yeah, he's strutting around like he's five-foot-six.

Leonard: What do you guys think I should do?
Raj: I say you tell Alex your heart belongs to Penny, I provide her a shoulder to cry on, and then roughly half a year later I give it to her good.

Leonard: She knows I have a girlfriend. It's so weird.
Raj: Oh, my God. You're loving this.
Leonard: To my bones. I mean, I'm not gonna do anything about it. I love Penny. It's just nice to have a young, attractive woman sniffing around the goods.
Raj: I both hate you and want to be you. This is Ryan Gosling all over again.

Leonard: Sheldon's assistant asked me on a date last night.
Raj: How could you do that to me? You know I've been working it with Alex for weeks.
Leonard: Working it? You can't even talk to her.
Raj: I talk with my eyes.
Howard: You look like my little cousin when he's dropping one in his diaper.

Alex: Hey, Leonard.
Leonard: Hey. Just playing a little Giant Jenga here.
Alex: Oh, I know, I'm the one who had to buy him the helmet.

Sheldon: Well, I must say, Leonard, when I first heard your idea for Giant Jenga, I was skeptical.
Leonard: I can't blame you. Tiny Twister was a complete bust.
Sheldon: No, I was wrong. The looming threat of being crushed under a pile of lumber does add a certain spice. I've never felt so alive.