Raj: There's also a time to stop eating so many jelly beans. And it's when you're ten!

Sheldon: What's that animal doing in our apartment?
Leonard: She's in her crate, she can't get out.
Sheldon: I have two words for you: Jurassic Park.

Leonard: Oh, I forgot about this (sweater). My aunt made it for me when I finished college.
Penny: Aww, did she hate you?
Leonard: Why because I got an ugly, itchy sweater and my brother got a car? No, I was her favorite!

Zack: You know what they say. Happy wife - Happy life. Let's eat!

Leonard: So, should we talk about setting a date?
Penny: Well, I'd like to choose one that works with my brother's schedule.
Leonard: Right and when would that be?
Penny: Twelve to eighteen months from now, depending on good behavior.

Bernadette: You suck so hard!

Sheldon: Come on, take me to work with you.
Leonard: No, you're on vacation.
Sheldon: Please! What if there's a big break through in science today and I'm not there to see it?
Leonard: You really think there's going to be a breakthrough without you to do it?
Sheldon: No. I was just tricking you.

Sheldon: I don't need to sit here and take this, Flatow. It's because of bullies like you that everyday more and more Americans are making the switch to television.

Leonard: Ooh, flowers and chocolates? Somebody's trying to get me out of my panties.

Leonard: Hey, Sheldon sent us all an email. "Happy Holidays from Texas", and there's pictures. *Looks at his phone* Aww, do not open them. Do not open them!
Penny: Oh come on, childbirth is a natural, beautiful - Urgh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half.
Raj: My father is a gynaecologist, I think I can handle it. *Looks at his phone* And ... now I'm gay.

Penny: How come you've never done anything romantic to celebrate our first date?
Leonard: For starters, you've broken up with me so many times, which first date are we talking about?
Sheldon: Oh, somebody call the burn ward. ... And back to the zone.

Penny: You guys never use that space up there. Why not get a table?
Sheldon: Do you want the long answer or the short answer?
Howard: How come we never get that option?

Penny: Next time I get a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
Sheldon: Here come the waterworks!
*Sheldon runs off to the bathroom*
Leonard: Aren't you going to ask?
Penny: What is this, my first day?

Howard: Oh, Bernie. What happened?
Bernadette: Let's just say the next time you move a dozen vials of raccoon virus to the fridge, make two trips.

Sheldon: And of those few months, how long have you been a demented sex pervert?