Barry Kripke: Cooper, maybe physics just isn't your thing. Have you ever considered a career in retail? Then you could take things back for a living.

Leonard: So I'm like a bran muffin?
Penny: What? No, that's not what I'm saying.
Leonard: No, that's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.
Penny: What does it matter? I'm choosing you.
Leonard: It matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a cinnabon, a strawberry pop tart. Something you're excited about, even if it could give you diabetes.
Penny: Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.

Bernadette: Howie, I love you. And as your wife, your mother is every bit as much my problem as she is yours. So, I want a divorce.

Leonard: How did she get you to do yoga?
Sheldon: Well, to be honest I thought she said Yoda.

Leonard: So is that it? Are we engaged?
Penny: Yeah, I think so.
Leonard: All right.
Penny: What's wrong?
Leonard: I'm not sure. It just feels a little anti-climactic.
Penny: Yeah, it kinda does, doesn't it?

Sheldon: I saw my mommy with a naked man and she was trying to be a mommy again.

Penny: I promise next time I get married, it won't be a joke. It will be for love ... or money.

Barry Kripke: There he is! It's my favorite superhero, The Retractor.

Stuart: You know something, Jesse. You may have a successful business and the kind of pink complexion that comes with good nutrition, but I have something more important.
Jesse: What's that?
Stuart: Friendship ... which I would trade in a heartbeat for all this.

Amy: Please pass the butter!

Penny: I get it, I get it. You're an emotionless robot.
Sheldon: Well, I try.

Penny: What's thoughtful is everything you do. Here, look at this. This is the plane ticket you bought me when I was too poor to go home for the holidays. And the rose you left on my windshield just because. Here's the thank you letter you wrote me after the first time I slept with you. All eleven pages of it.
Leonard: I can't believe you saved all this stuff.
Penny: Of course I did, it's you.
Leonard: Come here. ... Is that a pregnancy test?
Penny: Oh yeah, just the first one. I didn't save them all.

Stuart: Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
Raj: Fine, just try not to look too alive.
Stuart: That's my jam.

Raj: My, my. The plot - like my gravy - thickens.

Sheldon: I would have been here sooner but for some reason your home isn't on this map of Hollywood stars.