Sheldon: I want you to be happy, too. But not enough to do anything about it.

Amy: Thanks for walking me to my car.
Raj: Actually it's for both of us. Last night I watched Westside Story and I'm a little freaked out by streetgangs.
Amy: Why can't Raj find a girl? The mystery continues.

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mary: That's not funny. ... Maybe we should sit at the table.

Stuart: I don't think I've ever felt so rejected. And I had a rescue dog that ran back to the pound!

Howard: I promise I'll be on my best behavior.
Raj: You better be. No jokes about how close I am with my dog. Or the truth about how close I am with my dog.

Leonard: I thought Amy was going to drive you home.
Sheldon: I thought so too, but she's acting very strangely. I was discussing it with a Sri Lankan fella on the bus. He hypothosized that a tiger may have recently run across her shadow. Although he may have just been trying to drum up business for his brother-in-law's witchdoctor practice.

Amy: Come on, he's a retired kids show host.
Sheldon: That's even worse. Using the sweet candy of science to trick children into loving him. ... Pervert.

Sheldon: I would have been here sooner but for some reason your home isn't on this map of Hollywood stars.

Leonard: He made you his screensaver.
Amy: Oh, wow. I had no idea. He is so into me!

Howard: I was going to make a necklace for my mom but unfortunately she doesn't have a neck. She's just chins and fat and feet.

Raj: If she isn't going to use it, why are we doing this?
Howard: She'll use it. All I need is to rig it with a fishing pole and a honey-baked ham.

Howard: Hey. Good news, somebody in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket.
Bernadette: Fine. Can I at least shower first?
Howard: No, not that. Although you already agreed to it, so no takebacks.

Raj: Can I tell her she looks nice?
Bernadette: Sure.
Raj: Can I tell her I miss her?
Bernadette: Maybe, if she asks.
Raj: Can I show her an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our children and grand-children.
Bernadette: I'd save that for the second date.

Jesse: How about you, Stu? Mocha, scone, directions to the nearest soup kitchen?
Bernadette: Hey!
Jesse: I'm just kidding. He knows where this soup kitchen is.

Bernadette: You're not working. How'd you like a job in home healthcare?
Penny: Not a chance.
Bernadette: Please, I'm desperate.
Penny: No.
Bernadette: I'll pay anything you want.
Penny: Okay then, yeah.