Sheldon: It suggests I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas.

Leonard: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have gorilla hair on your fingers.

Wil Wheaton: Well, I've certainly taken some jobs I've been embarrassed by.
Penny: I wouldn't exactly call Star Trek embarrassing.
Wil Wheaton: I wasn't.
Penny: Me either.

Amy: What does tweepodoc mean?
Sheldon: Elephant?
Amy: Lucky guess.

Wil Wheaton: Well not everybody felt that way. A lot of people really hated the character and some of them hated me because of it. I would do interviews and people would be mean to me.
Sheldon: That just happened to me. Next time you're stuck for a tweet, feel free to say what a jerk Ira Flatow is.

Sheldon: Yes, I'd be a physicist with a Nobel Prize in chemistry. Everyone laugh at the circus freak.

Stuart: I don't think I've ever felt so rejected. And I had a rescue dog that ran back to the pound!

Howard: Hey. Good news, somebody in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket.
Bernadette: Fine. Can I at least shower first?
Howard: No, not that. Although you already agreed to it, so no takebacks.

Penny: You can't tell her what she can or can not do.
Sheldon: Last week you told Leonard he couldn't wear his wookie jacket out in public.
Penny: That's different. I'm not going to the mall with somebody dressed like a dumb space bear.

Sheldon: When I decided I was going to be a physicist, I didn't take some other job in case it didn't work. Which wasn't easy, because there was a lot of pressure from Ms. Pearson to be chalk monitor that year.

Jesse: How about you, Stu? Mocha, scone, directions to the nearest soup kitchen?
Bernadette: Hey!
Jesse: I'm just kidding. He knows where this soup kitchen is.

Amy: Thanks for walking me to my car.
Raj: Actually it's for both of us. Last night I watched Westside Story and I'm a little freaked out by streetgangs.
Amy: Why can't Raj find a girl? The mystery continues.

Amy: Oh my gosh, that's the girl that broke Rajesh's heart.
Bernadette: That's Lucy?
Penny: I don't know why but I always pictured her as Indian.
Bernadette: I think that reason's called racism.

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mary: That's not funny. ... Maybe we should sit at the table.

Raj: Can I tell her she looks nice?
Bernadette: Sure.
Raj: Can I tell her I miss her?
Bernadette: Maybe, if she asks.
Raj: Can I show her an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our children and grand-children.
Bernadette: I'd save that for the second date.