Bernadette: (on the phone) Howie, stop. I can't talk like that. Amy's right here.
Amy: (on the phone) Sheldon, stop. For the last time, I will not bring home bed bugs.
Bernadette: The hotel's nice. There's a pool, a gym, the bar looks like fun.
Amy: Because I looked in the bed, and there are no bugs.
Bernadette: Aw, I love you, too. If I don't talk to you before you go to sleep, I'll meet you in dreamland.
Amy: Good night. No, I will not consider sleeping in my garment bag.

Penny: What's the matter?
Sheldon: Um, well, I was worried that you might be missing Leonard. And that might be causing you to have bad dreams, like the kind you'd get if you watched Clash of the Titans right before you went to bed.
Penny: Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?
Sheldon: To be honest, I did.
Penny: Aww.
Sheldon: Back to the Future II was in the Back to the Future III case. Leonard did it.

Leonard: Sheldon, it's not a great time. What do you want?
Sheldon: (on the phone in the apartment) Hello to you, too. I'm sorry, but this is important.
Leonard: What is it?
Sheldon: Back to the Future II was in the Back to the Future III case, and Back to the Future III was, get this, in the Back to the Future II case.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So, did you do that, or am I in the house with an intruder?

Raj: I think you'd be pleased to hear that this morning in the parking garage I saw this oil stain on the ground that was shaped just like my ex-girlfriend, Lucy, and I didn't get upset at all.
Howard: I'm proud of you.
Raj: Well, you should be, 'cause she was looking good.

Sheldon: Dear Lord, you're an astronomer. Although you may have earthly woes, get your mind back on the stars. Gee, even the lowly dung beetle chooses to plot its course by using the Milky Way.
Raj: Is that true?
Sheldon: Everything I say is true. Now, of course, the dung beetle also enjoys eating feces, living in feces and making little balls out of feces, so, you know, pick and choose which aspects of its lifestyle you want to embrace.

Mike Rostenkowski: I've kept my marriage together for 35 years. Can I weigh in here?
Leonard: Sure.
Mike Rostenkowski: I'm trying to watch the game. Shut up.

Zack: Aw, babe, I peed myself.
Penny: Me, too.

Zack: Hey, babe.
Penny: Hey. Did you remember to pay the rent?
Zack: Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.

Bernadette: They're here first. This is because you made me slow down for that blind guy.

Sheldon: It's dirty laundry. You're up.
Penny: What? Why me?
Sheldon: Because you've been training for this your whole life. You live in a pile of dirty laundry.

Leonard: I have asthma. Back off!

Stuart: So, when you guys plan fun activities, does my name even come up or ...?
Raj: I invited you to my murder mystery party.
Stuart: No, you didn't.
Raj: Oh.

Leonard: Do you think Penny's mad at me?
Bernadette: Because you're in the right lane behind a bus and you won't go around it? I'm sure she finds it charming.
Leonard: No, because I didn't want her on my team.
Bernadette: I'm starting to think she dodged a bullet. The slowest bullet in the world.

Leonard: Wait, I got it. I got it.
Bernadette: Congratulations. You got it last.
Leonard: You're really mean, you know that?

Bernadette: Hey, Romeo. Repair your relationship on your own time!