Lucy: I'm kinda seeing someone.
Raj: I think I know the answer to this, but just to be clear. It's not me, right?

Howard: My mom's been to Arizona. She rode one of those mules down in the Grand Canyon. Long story short: they had to shoot it.
*Blank look from Bernadette's father*
Howard: ... because she's so fat.
*door rings*
Howard: I'll get the door while you finish laughing.

Ira Flatow: This is Science Friday, I'm Ira Flatow. My guest today is responsible for the discovery of the first stable super-heavy element.
Sheldon: Thank you. The university made me come here, I didn't want to. Big fan of the show.

Raj: Hey, when you got home today and complained about feeling sick from eating too many jelly beans, did I tell you how to fix it? No. I said "Aww, that must hurt." and I rubbed your belly.
Howard: I thought of you (Bernadette), the whole time.

Sheldon: Thank you. Ira, if I may, I'd like to aplogize for my behavior last week. Now, isn't there something you'd like to say to me?
Ira Flatow: No.

Stuart: Hello. Oh good, I'm glad you guys didn't wait for me to start. Although you said seven and it's seven. It's fine!

Mary Cooper: Sheldon Lee Cooper, you get back in this room right now. And bring a mop!
Sheldon: Did you hear that? A mop! I've got two PHDs yet somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal.

Zack: Aw, babe, I peed myself.
Penny: Me, too.

Amy: This is nice that we all get to eat together.
The guys: Oh yeah, absolutely.
Amy: Can we maybe put the phones down and have an actual human conversation?
Sheldon: We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs we don't have to.

Leonard: Okay, listen to me, this is just a minor setback.
Penny: No, it's not, okay? I've been out here for, like, ten years. I've nothing to show for it.
Leonard: Well, you have me.
Penny: You're right. I do have you. Mm. Let's get married.
Leonard: What?
Penny: Ooh. Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me?
Leonard: Um…
Penny: Did you seriously just say um?
Leonard: Look, you know I love you but, but you're, you're drunk and sad and feeling lost.
Penny: Okay, so, so you don't want to marry me?
Leonard: That is not what I said.
Penny: No, forget it. I take it back. Offer's off the table.

Bert: You know what geologists and Bon Jovi have in common?
Howard: They're both into rock?
Bert: Yeah.

Raj: Do you support this?
Leonard: Of course I do. She's a great actress. I'm proud she's taking this risk.
Amy: That's nice.
Leonard: You bought that!? Great! I gotta call her before I forget how I said it.

Bert: This is awkward. You thought I was going to ask you to go with me to the rock and mineral show.
Amy: Weren't you?
Bert: Yeah.

Jesse: Hey, Stuart. I haven't seen you in forever. Look how grey you've gotten.
Stuart: My hair's exactly the same color as always.
Jesse: No, I was talking about your skin.

Howard: Mineral and rock show? That would be awful even without Bert.