Arthur: Just make sure you appreciate those who are still there for you.
Sheldon: But I do appreciate them.

Sheldon: I beg to differ. I used to live in those genitals. If someone wants to move into my old room, I should at least get a vote.

James Earl Jones: What were you trying to ask me at the strip club?
Sheldon: How much does it cost to get them off my lap?

Amy: I'm not surprised you want to end the relationship. I'm a little surprised you didn't get AppleCare.

Sheldon: You may have a point. I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.

Sheldon: (on Stephen Hawking's voice mail) I kiss girls now.

Penny: Sheldon, you wanna take a break? Your food's ready.
Leonard: What are you doing? He's both happy and quiet. It's like seeing a unicorn and big foot at the same time.

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

Amy: It actually sounds like he's doing pretty well.
Penny: I really think this is going to be for the best.
Leonard: Me too. And he was able to take a sabbatical -
*Amy starts hitting Leonard with a pillow*
Amy: How could you let him go!?

Bernadette: Raj, your tag's sticking out. *Bernadette tucks Raj's clothing tag back in*
Raj: Thank you. That's the closest I've come to sex in like two years.
Bernadette: Now I feel a little gross.
Raj: You're only making it seem more real for me.

Penny: And this is also not the right time. Do not propose.
Leonard: What?!
Penny: I know that face. That's your proposed face.

Beverly: Let's discuss why you continue to involve me in your sex life.
Leonard: Oh, please no mommy. No mommy.
Beverly: When you were six years old, you walked in on me and your father naked. I was swatting his bottom with your brand new ping-pong paddle.
Leonard: I didn't dream that!?
Beverly: How did that make you feel?

Sheldon: This is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Like some dirty magic show.

Leonard: Yeah, well, she's not going to be your wife for long.
Zack: (To Penny) Oh no, are you dying!?

Leonard: It's nice that you called them esteemed.
Sheldon: You're right, I'll take that out.