Stuart: What are you talking about? There's nothing weird going on between me and your mother.
Mrs. Wolowitz (o.s.): Stewie, your bath is getting cold!

Leonard: At least listen to it through headphones. I'm trying to sleep, good night.
Sheldon: Boy. Taylor was right. Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

Amy: All canines instinctively know how to swim. Why wouldn't a werewolf have the same abilities?
Bernadette: Well, they're not a hundred percent wolf. They're a werewolf, that's only a part wolf. That's like comparing apples to oranges.
Sheldon: Thank you! Although technically it's apples that turn into were-oranges when the moon is full.

Oh, this is fun. We should do it sometime when you aren't all PMSing.

Leonard: So, Mom, you haven't seen Penny since we got engaged.
Penny: Yeah, let me show you the ring.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, lovely. Must have been very expensive.
Sheldon: Oh, no, not at all. No, we found a place online that repurposes diamond drill bits.
Leonard: We did not. That's not true. Can I speak to you alone for a second?
Sheldon: Oh, sure.
Leonard: It came from Tiffany's.
Sheldon: You mean the box, right?
Leonard: Keep walking!

Sheldon: Amy, may I please have a moment of privacy to speak with my roommate?
Amy: We're in a moving car! What do you expect me to do, stick my fingers in my ears?
Sheldon: I was thinking put your head out the window like a dog, but that'll work.

Mary Cooper: Ugh? The bible is ugh to you?
Beverly Hofstadter: No, I'm sorry. That was inappropriate. As a psychiatrist, I know how important people's superstitions can be to them.
Mary Cooper: You want to talk about superstitions. Sheldon sent me all those books you wrote. All that nonsense about super egos and IDs. What bull dropped that on the barn floor?

Penny: Wow, I just felt this wave of emotion for you.
Sheldon: You sure it's not too much bible juice?
Penny: And the wave is gone.

Leonard: I did not force you to go to that.
Penny: You left the house in a fez and a bow tie. I went so you wouldn't get beat up.
Leonard: I wasn't going to get beat up.
Penny: You were but somehow I held myself back.

Sheldon: If I could, I would run each and every one of you viewers up a flag pole and salute you. And if you touch the ground, burn you.

Professor Sharp: To be honest, his research never amounted to anything.
Raj: You were his colleague. How did your research turn out?
Professor Sharp: Great! This is the apartment you get when you win a Nobel.
Raj: You could be very frugal. I'm getting a little tired of everybody's sarcasm.

Sheldon: It's an earthquake. I knew it.
Penny: Sheldon, it's just a little tremor.
Sheldon: A little tremor that turns routine sinus surgery into a frontal lobotomy.

Penny: *using Sheldon's knock* Sheldon? Sheldon? Sheldon? *Sheldon answers with a suspicious and smiling look on his face*
Sheldon: I bet that started off as a joke, but by the third one, you realized there was something strangely enjoyable about it.
Penny: Yeah, I kind of wanna do it again.
Sheldon: I don't recommend it. You'll be doing it the rest of your life.

Howard: How does it feel to know your fiance's job is to go out and flirt with doctors looking like that, while you sit here, you know, looking like this?

Sheldon: Amy, the Daleks are right on my tail. Quick, we need to reset the time circuits. Oh no, I left my Sonic Screwdriver behind.
Amy: Really should have thought this through.

Raj: I'm sick of people being mean on the Internet.
Howard: I think the anonymity makes everyone feel like they can say things they'd never say to your face.
Sheldon: Interesting. I can't think of a single thing I wouldn't say to someone's face.
Leonard: Never noticed that about you.