Howard: No, not like us. Creepy chummy. Like you and your dog.
Raj: She feeds him out of her own mouth?
Howard: I mean he calls her Debbie, she calls him Stewie, and they're all giggly around each other. And believe me when food goes in that mouth it does not come out.

Howard: All I know is he's got my mother buying four ply toilet paper. Four ply! If his butt is so delicate, why doesn't he use an Angora rabbit?
Sheldon: For starters, they shed and bite.

Leonard: You guys, what are we doing? We sent the girls away so we could focus.
Sheldon: I don't think it worked.

Sheldon: "Sheldon's Mine Simulation Log, entry 4: My KitKat has melted. All is lost."

Amy: I simply pointed out that they would never consider doing an article ranking male scientists on their sexuality. Let alone showing them in various stages of undress.
Bernadette: Because no one wants to see Neil deGrasse Tyson in a wet t-shirt bent over the hood of a Porsche.

Amy: Why'd you pop it?
Sheldon: Sorry, I was aiming for your heart.

Sheldon: Ladies.
Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: As you may know, I have been experimenting with elevated anxiety levels, and I thought what better way to increase my discomfort than to subject myself to an evening of tasteless, uncensored crotch talk.

Penny: You look like a talking cupcake.

Sheldon: Good to see you again, Mr. Stephen Hawking Liked Our Paper.
Leonard: Oh, and you as well, Mr. Our Premise Is Intriguing.
Howard: How do you do, Mr. I'll Admit That's Pretty Cool.
Raj: Yeah, you keep setting me up for failure.

Penny: That's so funny. I never would have pegged you for a Pisces.
Sheldon: You're making it difficult to love you right now.

Penny: I meant more like a little brother.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, I suppose I do think of you like a sister. And sometimes a mother.
Penny: It's getting creepy again.

Leonard: That's not necessary.
Sheldon: It is. They're what hold back the urine and faeces.

Howard: Excuse me. Why is there a sticker on this? It's my TARDIS from Doctor Who. I was planning on moving it in the house.
Bernadette: I think you just answered your own question.

Leonard: I'm a little nervous.
Sheldon: Well, get over it. Confidence is key in these situations.
Leonard: Right. *Pushes button*
Sheldon: You pushed it! Are you out of your mind?

Bernadette: Come on, get in her head. Be intimidating.
Raj: Okay. I'm gonna own you bitch!
Penny: Whoa!
Bernadette: Hey!
Raj: Let's just play.