Howard: You reported me to human resources?
Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth.

Sheldon: Excuse me. Is it at all possible that you're knitting a pair of pants?

Sheldon: My girlfriend wanted to move in with me. Which was no doubt a ploy just to see my, excuse my language, bathingsuit parts.

Sheldon: I typically wear pajamas, but I recently adopted a hobo lifestyle. And pajamas are the sleep pants of The Man.

Penny: Hi, wanna do yoga with me?
Leonard: Let me just have some coffee first and then I'll have the strength to tell you how much I won't be doing that.

Sheldon: No, I'm not okay. I'm wearing borrowed pants, I don't have ID, and one of the officers here won't stop calling me chicken legs.

Leonard: Sheldon, hang tight. Hey, do you want me to bring you anything?
Sheldon: Yes, please. A pair of pants, and my toothbrush, and my mail, and a really good come back for chicken legs. Because "I know you are, but what am I?" was met with stony silence.

Leonard: You feel like driving to Arizona with me?
Penny: I can't. I have that job interview.
Leonard: Oh, right.
Penny: Besides, I don't need six hours of "Your hair is different. Why did you change your hair? I'm holding my breath until your hair grows back."

Leonard: Hey, can you think of a reason why I shouldn't invite Amy to come with me?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Come on, you didn't even try.

Howard: What's wrong with your car?
Raj: I'm having my windows untinted.
Howard: Why?
Raj: I've got a hot girlfriend now. I want the haters to know.
Howard: What are you talking about? No one's paying attention to you.
Raj: Wow. How's that hater-ade taste, bro?

Howard: No, not like us. Creepy chummy. Like you and your dog.
Raj: She feeds him out of her own mouth?
Howard: I mean he calls her Debbie, she calls him Stewie, and they're all giggly around each other. And believe me when food goes in that mouth it does not come out.

Sheldon: Sherlock Holmes always says when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Now, have you tried doing that?
Officer Hernandez: Nope.
Sheldon: Well, maybe you should. There's lots of books called Sherlock Holmes and there's no books called Officer Hernandez.

Penny: I haven't been on a job interview in years. I'm really nervous.
Bernadette: Don't be. You're built for pharmaceutical sales. You're cute, you're flirty, and I started that like there were gonna be three things.

Bernadette: Like our lawyers say, the world is full of things that can cause a rectum to bleed.

Bernadette: Oh, I understand. You wanna do something you're already good at? I know, why don't I get you a job at the sitting around all day wearing yoga pants factory?