Sheldon: I understand that we are no longer a couple, but I'd like to remind you that we made a baby together.
Amy: What baby?
Sheldon: A precocious, little Internet show known as Fun with Flags.

Penny: I think it's so adorable you're making Sheldon breakfast.
Leonard: Well, he's having a rough time. Amy broke his heart, the DVR cut off the last minute of Doctor Who, that crow followed him home.

Sheldon: Sorry I'm late. I also got you a balloon, but it floated away and I chased it for a while.

Amy: Whose bra is this?
Sheldon: It's not yours? Oh, my. How embarrassing for both of us.
Amy: It's Penny's.
Sheldon: Hey. You broke up with me, it's none of your business whose naked bosom I'm smushing around like pizza dough.

Sheldon: Amy, there was a song I couldn't get out of my head. Eventually, I realized the song was about you, and like that earworm, I can't get you out of my heart. So, what I'm trying to say is, you're my heartworm. The metaphorical kind, not the poodle-killing kind.

Sheldon: You're kidding! What kind of maniacs have coitus in someone else's bedroom?!
Howard: Thank you, Pasadena! Good night!

Raj: But, Amy, when you and Sheldon split up, didn't you start dating someone right away? Amy: Well, I ... I wouldn't say right away.
Sheldon: And actually, it was three different men.
Barry Kripke: Three different men?! Damn, girl, way to give the milk away!

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon. This is Adam Nimoy.
Adam Nimoy: Nice to meet you.
Sheldon: Oh, it's nice to meet you. I admire your father's work very much.
It's not every day I get to meet someone whose life's journey began in my hero's scrotum.

Amy: Sheldon, what's wrong?
Sheldon: I wanted to let you know I'll be spending your birthday with you.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: See, I had tickets to the Star Wars premiere that night, but Professor Proton came to me in a dream, dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi, and convinced me that I should be with you.
Amy: Obi-what?
Sheldon: I'll let you get back to sleep now. Good night.
Amy: Good night. Uh, Sheldon, were you actually not going to spend my birthday with me?
Sheldon: (feigning sleepiness) It's late, gotta go, bye.

Penny: Helium.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Taylor Swift.
Penny: Yes. Pi.
Sheldon: Yes. Kardashian.
Penny: More specific.
Sheldon: Khloe?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: See, I remembered because if it looks like Kim it's Kim, if it looks kind of like Kim it's Kourtney, and if it looks nothing like Kim it's Khloe.

Leonard: I love you.
Penny: Who cares?

Penny: Oh, my God, they're coming right towards us.
Bernadette: We got to get out of here.
Penny: Okay. Well, wait, what about Leonard?
Bernadette: He and his tiny bladder can take the bus!

Penny: Thanks a lot, guys.
Bernadette: What did we do?
Penny: Before I made that call, my pig was alive and happy and rolling around in the mud. Now he's illegally buried in our backyard next to my great-grandmother.
Bernadette: Really? They didn't eat him?
Penny: No! He was a beloved member of the family.
Bernadette: The breakfast meat family?

Penny: And in double-blind studies, Placinex proved extremely effective in treating all kinds of anxiety. Actually, funny story. The boys in the lab were worried about getting FDA approval for Placinex; they started taking it, stopped worrying.

Sheldon: He has glasses and I'm a know-it-all. We are not built for prison.