Penny: I think it's so adorable you're making Sheldon breakfast.
Leonard: Well, he's having a rough time. Amy broke his heart, the DVR cut off the last minute of Doctor Who, that crow followed him home.

Sheldon: Your friends? I think you mean my friends. And why wasn't I invited to this?
Amy: Maybe because the two of us being there would make them feel awkward.
Sheldon: We make everyone feel awkward. That's our thing!

Howard: You know, once we get the house back to ourselves, we can be romantic in any room we want.
Bernadette: Great. I can finally show you where the laundry room is.

Amy: Sheldon, what's wrong?
Sheldon: I wanted to let you know I'll be spending your birthday with you.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: See, I had tickets to the Star Wars premiere that night, but Professor Proton came to me in a dream, dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi, and convinced me that I should be with you.
Amy: Obi-what?
Sheldon: I'll let you get back to sleep now. Good night.
Amy: Good night. Uh, Sheldon, were you actually not going to spend my birthday with me?
Sheldon: (feigning sleepiness) It's late, gotta go, bye.

Sheldon: I understand that we are no longer a couple, but I'd like to remind you that we made a baby together.
Amy: What baby?
Sheldon: A precocious, little Internet show known as Fun with Flags.

Penny: Oh, my God, they're coming right towards us.
Bernadette: We got to get out of here.
Penny: Okay. Well, wait, what about Leonard?
Bernadette: He and his tiny bladder can take the bus!

Sheldon: I don't think I can go back out there.
Penny: That's fine. You know, I hate that your sister and her friends used to torture you. But what I hate even more is, if I was there, I would have tortured you, too.
Sheldon: Based on this pep talk, I'd say you're still doing it.
Penny: My point is, there was a time I never would've been friends with someone like you, and now you are one of my favorite people. So, if what you need is to spend your birthday in a bathroom, I'm happy to do it with you.
Sheldon: Well, everyone will think I'm weird.
Penny: Sweetie, you are weird. Everyone knows you're weird, but they're all still here because they care about you so much.

Sheldon: Amy, there was a song I couldn't get out of my head. Eventually, I realized the song was about you, and like that earworm, I can't get you out of my heart. So, what I'm trying to say is, you're my heartworm. The metaphorical kind, not the poodle-killing kind.

Howard: May I say something?
Bernadette: Is it about how I can't have new wallpaper 'cause your dad left when you were little and your mom died?
Howard: Never mind.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon. This is Adam Nimoy.
Adam Nimoy: Nice to meet you.
Sheldon: Oh, it's nice to meet you. I admire your father's work very much.
It's not every day I get to meet someone whose life's journey began in my hero's scrotum.

Amy: Are you hungry? How about that sushi place you love?
Bernadette: Doctor said I can't have sushi.
Penny: Okay, look, we don't have to go anywhere. We can just, you know, stay here and hang out in the hot tub.
Bernadette: Doctor said I can't go in the hot tub.
Amy: Maybe you should get a new doctor. What, he said you can't laugh either?

Leonard: I love you.
Penny: Who cares?

Sheldon: Good. Then I'll be leaving now.
Emily: Oh, it's okay, Sheldon. Come with us.
Sheldon: Oh, that's very kind of you. But I'm sure you'll all have a better time without me. Let's go, Stuart.
Stuart: But I want to stay.
Sheldon: Stuart, now!

Penny: Oh, my God, he won't stop.
Leonard: How does he keep coming up with new ways to be annoying?
Penny: Nobody knows. That's why he's number one.

Amy: Let's see. I have been on six dates with three different people. It was either for coffee or dinner. One I met at a bookstore and two I met online. I haven't slept with anyone. The aquarium is 40 minutes away. And there's a baggie of Cheerios for you in the glove compartment.
Sheldon: Uh, regular or honey nut?
Amy: I mixed them.
Sheldon: You mixed them. No wonder gentleman callers are pounding down your door.