Leonard: I know he can be a lot of trouble, but when I see him laying here asleep like this, I just think, how easy it would be to hold a pillow over his face.

Leonard: [answering the phone] Hello. Hey. It's Howard. Oh, us, too.
Penny: Wait, what?
Leonard: They're gonna stay. The kids are fine. Bernie's parents took over. Really? Oh, poor little guy.
Penny: Is Michael okay?
Leonard: Yeah, it's Stuart. Bernie's dad gave him a hug, cracked a rib.

Leonard: Look, this is your wedding, just pick whoever you want. You don't need to worry about anyone else but yourself. You've kind of been training for this your whole life.

Penny: All right, this is making me crazy. Somebody's got to go over there.
Leonard: You got feet and legs, you do it.

Howard: I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
Leonard: Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided to go partners in a Jamba Juice.

Penny: Sweetie, you know you're supposed to wear clothes under a graduation gown?
Leonard: A. Surprised you know that. B. I wanted to look like a sexy graduate for you.

Beverly Hofstadter: I read your paper. It was very impressive.
Sheldon: Oh, thank you.
Leonard: We just spent two hours in traffic. Did you think to mention to me that you liked our paper?
Beverly Hofstadter: Of course I did, but it's a mother's job to make sure her child's self-esteem is not dependent on anyone's approval.
Leonard: That's so sweet, you think I have self-esteem.

Penny: And now Ben Affleck is Batman?
Emily: Oh, he was great in Shakespeare in Love.
Penny: Ooh, we should watch that next girls' night.
Bernadette: We could do a double feature with the Leonardo DiCaprio Romeo + Juliet.
Penny: Oh, I love me some Leo.
Leonard: And it's gone.

Priya: It's a little weird your ex-girlfriend hanging out here all the time.
Leonard: I know. I usually never see my ex-girlfriends, unless their hard drives crash.

Howard: Wow. I wonder what that guy could've done to make Sheldon not talk to him for 20 years.
Leonard: I wonder if it'd work a second time.

Sheldon: Can I at least kick down the door?
Leonard: You're welcome to try, but the other day, it took you 15 minutes to get into a FedEx box.

Leonard: I got all your favorites. Beer, wings, sliders. We can watch the football game. I even painted my stomach.
Penny: Go Sports?
Leonard: Well, in case you were in the mood for baseball, I didn't want to look ridiculous.

Sheldon: You know we're almost finished with our paper; we just need help tracking down the citations.
Leonard: That's busywork. Can't you just get a grad student to do it?
Amy: No, this paper is incredibly important to us, and we need someone we can trust.
Please, it would mean a lot.
Leonard: You know what? Sure. The three of us in the library looking up old papers, that actually could be kind of fun.
Sheldon: Oh, no, we won't be there.
Leonard: It just got more fun.

Penny: Well, I'm going to take myself out to a movie tonight. You want to go?
Leonard: Really? Do we do that?
Penny: What do you mean?
Leonard: You know, we haven't spent time alone together since we broke up.
Penny: Oh, it's not a date, Leonard. It's just a man and a woman hanging out, and not having sex at the end of the night.
Leonard: Sounds like most of my dates.

Sheldon: I don't come into your house and touch your board.
Leslie: There are no incorrect equations on my board.
Sheldon: Oh, that is so... so...
Leslie: I'm sorry, I've got to run. If you come up with an adjective, text me.