Sheldon: Oh, no, not Morlocks, not flesh eating Morlocks! Help!

Penny: Oh, please, it's not a time machine, if anything, it looks like something Elton John would drive through the Everglades.
Sheldon: It only moves in time, it would be worse than useless in a swamp.

Sheldon: I need my wrist brace. All this button pushing is aggravating my old Nintendo injury.

Sheldon: Now to business. Eighteen years ago, I sent the FBI Crime Lab samples from a bag of excrement that had been lit on fire on my front porch for fingerprinting and DNA analysis. Why haven't I heard back yet?
Agent Page: Well, the FBI Crime Lab does have a lot on its plate.
Sheldon: That's of little comfort to a nation attempting to scrape burning faeces off its shoes.

Sheldon: I've been sitting in garbage!

Penny: So, how was paint ball? Did you have fun?
Sheldon: If you consider being fragged by your own troops fun. (To Howard) You clear a space on your calendar. There will be an inquiry.

Penny: What exactly do you think goes on here?
Sheldon: Well, conversations that you wouldn't be comfortable having in front of the opposite sex. You know, who has the best cervix. Which sanitary napkin is all the rage right now. Men's buttocks and how you want to pat and squeeze them.

Howard: Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.
Howard: But there must be thousands of dollars here. Why don't you put it in the bank?
Sheldon: I don't trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATMs will lead the charge.

Shopper: Which hard drive do I want? Firewire or USB?
Sheldon: It depends on what Bus you have.
Shopper: I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
Sheldon: Oh my God.

Penny: OK, I have a problem!
Sheldon: It's called carpal tunnel syndrome, and quite frankly, you deserve it.

Sheldon: We did it! What? I said we.

Leonard: What is going on?
Sheldon: Oh, I need to keep my anxiety at the right level. So I'm using Darth Vader, the Joker and Godzilla's roar to keep me in that sweet spot. I tried including Taylor Swift in the mix, but turns out I love her.

Sheldon: If we're all through playing "Mock the Flawed Technology", can we get on with Halo Night? We were supposed to start at 8, it is now 8:06.

Leonard: You have a TV in your room. Why don't you have breakfast in bed?
Sheldon: Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day.

Leonard: You know what, go to Hell and set their thermostat.
Sheldon: I don't have to go to Hell. At 73 degrees, I'm already there.