Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 12 of 112
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Quote from the episode The Romance Resonance
Sheldon: They called it the greatest thing since the Communist party. Although I'm pretty sure the Communist party made them say that. I like China. See, they know how to keep people in line.
Quote from the episode The Thanksgiving Decoupling
Mike: I don't know what's scarier: the bathroom clowns or the woman that put them there?
Sheldon: All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car.
*Howard walks in*
Sheldon: And there's the clown that came out of her!
Quote from the episode The Locomotion Interruption
Sheldon: Leonard, as soon as we get home, I want to have coitus with Amy. *Checks for Amy's reaction* Okay, she can't hear.
Quote from the episode The Junior Professor Solution
Leonard: Sheldon, I promise, your uvula does not have an STD.
Sheldon: Are you sure? It just doesn't feel as innocent as it used to.
Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect
Mary Cooper: Honey, why did you get a loom?
Sheldon: Well, I was working with luminous fish and I thought, hey, loom.
Quote from the episode The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition
Sheldon: I got a splinter.
Amy: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: Relationship Agreement - Section 4: Boo-boos and Ouchies. You have to take care of it.
Amy: I should've gotten a lawyer.
Quote from the episode The Holographic Excitation
Howard: Okay, here it is. Bernadette said you guys are all sick of me talking about my trip to space. Is that true?
Sheldon: We seem to have different approaches here. I was going for helpful honesty. I have no idea what you're doing.
Raj: It's called being nice.
Sheldon: Okay. If you think being nice will get him to shut up, I'll try it.
Quote from the episode The Maternal Congruence
Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive heart failure.
Quote from the episode The Agreement Dissection
Sheldon: The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb.
Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative
Sheldon: I recently had a dream that I was a giant. But everything around me was to scale so it all looked normal.
Leonard: Well, how did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?
Sheldon: I was wearing size a million pants.
Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation
Sheldon: Oh, by the way, I was watching you sleep for a moment, and I noticed that your snoring seems to be worse when you're on your back.
Penny: Leonard doesn't snore.
Sheldon: I wasn't talking to Leonard.
Leonard (to Penny): Told ya.
Quote from the episode The Benefactor Factor
Sheldon: Given how much time you spend engaging in pointless self-abuse, you might consider, just this once, using your genitalia to actually accomplish something.
Quote from the episode The Roommate Transmogrification
Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Leonard: I live here.
Sheldon: I have paperwork that says differently.
Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation
Penny: When I was a senior in high school, one of my friends heard I was gonna be named head cheerleader, I was so excited. My mom even made me a celebration pie. Then they named stupid Valerie Mossbacher head cheerleader, big old slutbag.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you think a celebration pie is even remotely comparible to a Nobel Prize?
Penny: Well, they're pretty tasty.
Sheldon: And on a different, but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits, do you ever truly believe that you were fit to be a cheer leader?
Quote from the episode The Vartabedian Conundrum
Sheldon: I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night.
Leonard: Oh good God! Sheldon we don't ask questions like that!
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now you finally have an answer.