Sheldon Quotes Page 12 of 39

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Quote from the episode The Cooper Extraction

Sheldon: This is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Like some dirty magic show.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Convention Conundrum

James Earl Jones: What were you trying to ask me at the strip club?
Sheldon: How much does it cost to get them off my lap?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Howard: Listen, I was thinking you and I could probably try to be better friends.
Sheldon: Really? I was thinking what we have now is a bit much.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: I have one question. Is this a prank? Where you land in Houston and you've made up wanted posters which have my face with a moustache and a Spanish name, and I get arrested and deported to South America?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Well I'm glad, because I would not have seen that coming.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: I am a grown man. I am a professional scientist. And I currently occupy the moral high ground.
Mary: Go to your room.
Sheldon: But I occupy the moral high ground.
Mary: Go to your room.
Sheldon: But I'm a professional scientist.
Mary: Go to your room!
Sheldon: *Backs away to his room* I'm a grown man.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: *Knocks Knock Knock* Empty room (x3). If somebody answers, I'm going to be really creeped out.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: (on Stephen Hawking's voice mail) I kiss girls now.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

Sheldon: I don't mean to be rude or discourteous, but before we begin. I'd just like to say there's absolutely no scientific evidence to support clairvoyance of any kind. Which means - and again, no insult intended - you're a fraud, your profession is a swindle, and your livelihood is dependent on the gullibility of stupid people. But again, no offense.

4.5

Quote from the episode The White Asparagus Triangulation

Sheldon: If I'm permitted to speak again, Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Lizard-Spock Expansion

Sheldon: I'm sorry but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV Series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Herb Garden Germination

Amy: We need to fabricate a tantalising piece of gossip.
Sheldon: And a second non-tantalising piece to use as a control.
Amy: Then we'll track its progress through our social group and interpret the results through the competing academic prisms of mimetic theory, algebraic gossip and epidemiology.
Sheldon: Look at you, getting me to engage in the Social Sciences. You're a vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon: Sorry, I'm late!
Leonard: What happened?
Sheldon: Nothing! I just didn't wanna come.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Large Hadron Collision

Sheldon: There's an economic concept known as a positional good in which an object is only valued by the possessor because it's not possessed by others. The term was coined in 1976 by economist Fred Hirsch to replace the more colloquial, but less precise "neener-neener".

4.5

Quote from the episode The Excelsior Acquisition

Sheldon: I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddie table of yours.

4.5

Quote from the episode The 21-Second Excitation

*Sheldon receives a cell phone call*
Sheldon: Hello. Well, this seems like an odd time to test my cell phone quality but go on. Test phrases. Alright. I'm a tote. Olba. Twad. All together? All right. I'm a total butt wad. Why are you laughing? Hello?
Penny: And that girls is how you make a phony phone call.

4.5

Quote from the episode The 21-Second Excitation

Sheldon: This is where we could've been if we hadn't stopped for dinner. (Points at place in long line) This is where we could've been if Koothrapali hadn't ordered dessert. (Points again)
Raj: I earned it, I ate all my brocolli.

4.5

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole but as far as the population of this car goes you're a veritable mack daddy.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Large Hadron Collision

Sheldon: Given that Saint Valentine was a 3rd century Roman priest, who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Boyfriend Complexity

Sheldon: As usual, you're all wrong. The bravest person in the Marvel universe is the doctor that gives Wolverine his prostate exam.
Howard: How about the guy gets a prostate exam from Wolverine?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Friendship Algorithm

Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent approaching an asymptote don't you understand?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Leonard (looking at the heavy box and the stairs): Do you have any ideas?
Sheldon: Yes, but they all involve a Green Lantern and a Power Ring.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Zarnecki Incursion

Sheldon: I've never said these words before, but good job Howard!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Friendship Algorithm

Sheldon: (Looking for a book) "Barney bunny has two daddies now" Probably something about homosexual rabbits.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Herb Garden Germination

Leonard: Hope, you're hungry!
Sheldon: Interesting, a friendly sentiment in this country - a cruel taunt in the Sudan...

4.5

Quote from the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Leonard: Sheldon, you are not sick, but this is.
Sheldon: We have no idea what pathogen Typhoid Penny has introduced into our environment, and having never been to Nebraska, I'm certain I have no corn-husking antibodies.
Leonard: Sheldon, don't you think you're overreacting?
Sheldon: When I'm lying comatose in a hospital relying on inferior minds to cure me, these gelatin cultures and my accompanying notes will give them a fighting chance.
*Sheldon holds Q-tip toward mouth for Leonard to swab.*

4.5

Quote from the episode The Gothowitz Deviation

Leonard: Sheldon, you need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.
Sheldon: What am I supposed to do? Eat French Toast on a Monday? Now that would be impossible.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Benefactor Factor

Sheldon: An entire dinner to talk about your research? Where you going? The drive thru at Jack In The Box?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon: Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English. When I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said, "Mchtest du eine Darmsplung?"
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, 'Would you like an enema?'

4.5

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Leonard: Howard brought a date?
Sheldon: A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Lunar Excitation

Sheldon: With skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility.
Howard: That's a bazinga, right?
Sheldon: One of my best, don't you think?

4.5

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