Sheldon: Amy, please. I am trying to find a way to intellectually emasculate a dear friend of mine.

Raj: You suck, Wolowitz!
Howard: What's that about?
Raj: I'm heckling you. It's a beloved part of baseball.
Sheldon: He's right. And given that you're probably still waiting to be picked for a game that was played in fifth grade, I'm sure you do suck.

Sheldon: Miners often sang mining songs to keep their spirits up.
Raj: You know any mining songs?
Sheldon: Just the hits.

Sheldon: Well, I've been struggling for months to come up with a theory for dark matter that doesn't make protons decay. I'm hoping to finally tackle it by optimizing my work environment. See I've got, my tea is at the perfect sipping temperature. I have fleece-lined boxer-shorts to keep my tushie toastie. And last but not least, this inspirational cat poster improved with the reassuring face of physics renegade Richard Feynman.

Sheldon: If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me. You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon.

Sheldon: Met my childhood hero, now I get to ride in an ambulance. Boy, if we can get him to do that calendar, this'll be the best day ever.

Amy: There are certain things that say to the world, I have a boyfriend and he's not made up. Matching cotumes, hickeys and sex tapes. Pick one.
Sheldon: What's a hickey?

Sheldon: When does the C.S.I. team get here? Policeman: What? Sheldon: In anticipation of their arrival, I've bagged some evidence. One of the thieves had the audacity to quench his thirst while ransacking our home. You should be able to pull some good prints off this. And now, here are my prints so you can rule me out as a suspect. Leonard: What about me? Sheldon: I'm sorry, Leonard. It's too early to discount the possibility of this being an inside job.

Sheldon: That is my spot. In an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot at the moment I first sat on it would be zero-zero-zero-zero.

Raj: Waiter? A bottle of champagne and three glasses. Oh boy, isn't this romantic?
Sheldon: Oh, I hope that's a rhetorical question, because I have no clue.

Sheldon: I miss the days when your romantic partners could be returned to the video store.

Sheldon: Oh, Amy. And you wonder why people think neuroscience is nothing but a goofy game for diaper babies?

Leonard: See that? I just saved us forty bucks.
Sheldon: I've long said what you lack in academic knowledge, you make up for in street smarts.

Leonard: Sheldon, it's okay. He can do it. He's a barber.
Sheldon: He's not a barber, he's the nephew. He's an example of the kind of nepotism that runs rampant in the barbering industry. Besides, Mr. D'Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas.

Amy: I don't care for your friend, he's being rude to me. You need to ask him to leave.
Sheldon: Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave. He's a minor celebrity. Once you explain who he is, many people recognize him.