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Quote from the episode The Loobenfeld Decay

Toby: Damn you, Chaplain Horrigan.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Toby: The Phillipines: 1992: The Subic Bay Naval Station: A young boy on the cusp of manhood. His only companions, mongrel dogs and malarial mosquitoes. Desperate and alone, he reached out to a man who promised to introduce him to a merciful, loving God. But instead introduced him to a gin-pickled tongue shoved down his adolescent throat. What choice did he have but to drink, shoot, and snort his pain away?
Sheldon: Don't forget genetic predisposition towards addiction.
Toby: That's never been proven.
Sheldon: There have been studies.
Toby: Not double-blind studies!
Sheldon: How could there be double-blind study? Who would be the control group?

Quote from the episode The Gorilla Experiment

Sheldon: (Dictating) Research Journal, Entry One. I'm about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career: teaching Penny physics.! I'm calling it "Project Gorilla".

Quote from the episode The Agreement Dissection

Sheldon: (To the smoking monkey) You really are an ass.

Quote from the episode The Robotic Manipulation

Sheldon: Impressive, but we must be cautious.
Howard: Why?
Sheldon: Today, it's a Chinese-food-retrieval robot. Tomorrow, it travels back in time and kills Sarah Connor.

Quote from the episode The Vartabedian Conundrum

Sheldon: What could I possibly have done to offend Mrs. Vartabedian?

Quote from the episode The Speckerman Recurrence

Sheldon: I don't watch you twenty-four hours a day. I don't know what you do.

Quote from the episode The Large Hadron Collision

Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: Hello.
Sheldon: Ok, enough with the friendly banter. I believe you know why I am here.
Penny: Oh, I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.
Sheldon: Yes amusing. Extraordinary intelligence might well appear extraterrestrial to you, but let me be more specific. I believe you know why I am here in the laundry room.

Quote from the episode The Hofstadter Insufficiency

Sheldon: As rock and roll bad boy Paul Simon once said, "I am a rock. I am an i.....sland".

Quote from the episode The Locomotion Interruption

Sheldon: I feel renewed. I'm ready to deal with any changes that come my way. *Sees Penny* Your hair is different. You changed your hair. I can't take this. I'm out.

Quote from the episode The Vegas Renormalization

Sheldon: You know I'm in such a good mood I'm actually finding your tenuous grasp of the English language folksy and charming today.

Quote from the episode The Peanut Reaction

Sheldon: 1234 is not a secure password.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: What if she ends up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.
Sheldon: I wouldn't.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Leonard: Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash?
Sheldon: Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Leonard: New neighbor?
Sheldon: It seems so.
Leonard: Significant improvement over the old neighbor.
Sheldon: A 200 pound transvestite with a skin condition, yes, she is.

Quote from the episode The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Leonard: Stuart's kind of interested in Amy.
Sheldon: Well of course he is. She's very interesting. Did you know, when she was 14 she severed the webbing between her own toes?

Quote from the episode The Pulled Groin Extrapolation

Leonard: It turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time. Although, truth be told, my groin is a little worse for wear.
*Sheldon karate chops Leonard*
Leonard: Why did you do that?
Sheldon: To send a message: She is not for you!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Not for you!

Quote from the episode The 21-Second Excitation

Sheldon: May I point out to you all that the screening is first come, first served?
Leonard: Relax, it's 5:00. The movie doesn't start till midnight.
Sheldon: Another way of saying that is: the movie starts at midnight and it's already 5:00. Let's go.

Quote from the episode The Friendship Contraction

Sheldon: To amend the words of Toy Story, you have not got a friend in me.

Quote from the episode The Prom Equivalency

Raj: Did you go to your prom?
Sheldon: No. I had a date with a proper education. Instead of a tuxedo, I dressed myself in good habits. Instead of spiked punch, I enjoyed the intoxicating flavor of knowledge. Instead of dancing in a gym, I shook my bootie to the seductive rhythms-
Penny: Okay, okay.
Sheldon: -of AP calculus.

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love but it has a lot of raisins in it.

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