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Quote from the episode The Table Polarization

Sheldon: Wait, is this really worth it? We've lived together for years without ne'ery an argument, but we start talking about a table and suddenly we're at each other's throats.
Leonard: Ne'ery an argument?! Ne'ery!?!
Sheldon: That means not one or not any. Maybe instead of a table you should buy a dictionary.
Sheldon: (To himself) Well, I don't know whether I won that but at least he's upset.

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Quote from the episode The Table Polarization

Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay in to an acceptable conduit for my will. Then you came along and reshaped him with your new fangled ideas and fancy genitals.

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Quote from the episode The Table Polarization

Sheldon: No, you've opened my eyes to the truth. Amy has made me a more affectionate, open-minded person. And that stops now.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: I have an eidetic memory. I don't what his (Raj's) problem is.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: To this day I still get a monthly copy of "Granny on Granny". Which other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page is complete filth.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: Remember the old days when I would point out that your check engine light is out?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Well, get ready to stroll down memory lane. Penny, your check engine light is on.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: Leonard, could you wrap it up? We're waiting on you.
Penny: I'm sorry, is the fact my life's falling apart interfering with your board game?
Sheldon: It is.
*Sheldon goes back into the apartment*
Sheldon: You were wrong, Friend Howard. She completely understood.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Howard: What now?
Sheldon: I have to go to the bathroom.
Howard: You just went to the bathroom.
Sheldon: But I didn't use it because it didn't seem safe. Despite all my emails, the toilet didn't have a seatbelt.
Howard: Well, it still doesn't.
Sheldon: I realize that but safety concerns went out the window two apple juices ago.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Howard: I'm an astronaut and you know it. You just don't like admitting it because you're jealous.
Sheldon: Well, truth be told, as a child I did dream of going to space. Those astronauts were my heroes. And when you got to go, it was hard for me.
Howard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Because it showed made me realize they'll just send anyone up there.

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Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship if I don't tell her how disappointed I am and how I'll never forgive her.

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Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Howard: Anyway, she broke up with him and she's basically been alone ever since. She never said it, but I always felt I was the reason why.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Although, based on your story, you absolutely were the reason why.

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Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: My point is you're going to need to be careful. You used to be protected by your pre-enlightenment mythology. But now you're going to need a stronger friend, named latex.
Mary: Are you having the sex talk with me?
Sheldon: Well someone has to.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
Sheldon: No, don't look to him. He's mad at you right now.

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Quote from the episode The Indecision Amalgamation

Sheldon: I also was certain HD-DVD would win out over Blu-ray.
Amy: How old were you then?
Sheldon: Old enough to know better!

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Quote from the episode The Indecision Amalgamation

Sheldon: And now that I think about it. I stood in front of a case of iPods and I bought a Zune.
Amy: What's a Zune?
Sheldon: Exactly! It's an MP3 people brought to us by the makers of Xbox.

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: It suggests I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas.

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: This seemed so elegant at the time, but now I realize I was just a dumb country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: As hard as this is I have to move on. I can't keep postulating multi-dimensional entities and get nothing in return. I have needs too!

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: Why do we have a geology book? Leonard, did you throw a children's party while I was in Texas?

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Penny: What's wrong with geology?
Sheldon: Let me put this in a way you'll understand, Penny. You remember you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well geology is the Kardashians of science.

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Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

Sheldon: If I wanted to waste my time on nonsense, I'd follow Leonard on Instagram.

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Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

Sheldon: You know what this is? And I reserve this word for those instances when it's truly reserved. This is malarkey.

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Quote from the episode The Proton Transmogrification

Amy: Watching your old friend?
Sheldon: Yes. Look at him, Amy. It's such a shame. Struck down in the prime of my life.

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Quote from the episode The Proton Transmogrification

Sheldon: Amy, mourning the inevitable is a complete waste of time.
Amy: And watching a bunch of goofy space movies you've seen a hundred times isn't?
Sheldon: If we were in a physical relationship, you've just lost sex tonight.

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Quote from the episode The Gorilla Dissolution

Sheldon: Oh, I'll make English Breakfast tea. They destroyed your culture, that's close enough.

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Quote from the episode The Gorilla Dissolution

Raj: Wouldn't you be upset if you saw Amy out with someone else?
Sheldon: Can't happen. We have an iron-clad relationship agreement which precludes her from sexual contact with anyone other than me.
Raj: But you don't have sex with her either.
Sheldon: Slick, huh?

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Quote from the episode The Gorilla Dissolution

Sheldon: Have you had intercourse?
Raj: No.
Sheldon: Well stick to your guns. There'll be a lot of pressure.

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Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Sheldon: I'm writing an appeal to the faculty senate so that I can move on from string theory.
Leonard: How's it going?
Sheldon: You tell me. "Dear esteemed colleagues. As you may know, I have requested to change my field of study. My decision to do so is, I believe, in the best interest of science. At your convenience, I'd be happy to explain it to you in words you'll understand."

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Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Leonard: It's nice that you called them esteemed.
Sheldon: You're right, I'll take that out.

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Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Sheldon: I see. You're putting your future bride's happiness above mine.
Leonard: Well, yeah!
Sheldon: Wow.

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Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Amy: Here, I made you some Strawberry Quik.
Sheldon: I have real problems here, Amy. I can't be mollified with a beverage designed for children. *Takes a sip* Mmm, yummy.

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