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Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 32 of 137
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Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation
Sheldon: When do you evacuate your bowels?
Leonard: When I have to.
Sheldon: When you have to? I'm sorry I don't rent to hippies.
Quote from the episode The Benefactor Factor
Sheldon: There are a lot more rich old ladies out there and Daddy needs a new linear accelerator.
Quote from the episode The Tangerine Factor
Sheldon: (Practising speaking Mandarin) Show me your citrus peels.
*Sheldon freaks out in Chinese.*
Penny: I'm sorry. Look, do you have a second?
Sheldon: A second what? Pair of underwear?
Quote from the episode The Beta Test Initiation
Sheldon: Now, today's episode of 'Fun with Flags' is not fun, but it is important. Flags: You gotta know how to hold 'em, you gotta know how to fold 'em.
Quote from the episode The Re-Entry Minimization
Sheldon: You know, I am very disappointed that I won't be able to celebrate Howard's accomplishment tonight.
Amy: Me, too. But we'll see him tomorrow.
Sheldon: Yes, it's just that in all the years I've known him, he's never had the opportunity to receive my admiration. I was excited to see the look on his face when it finally happened.
Quote from the episode The Parking Spot Escalation
(Howard's car horn blares)
(Sheldon puts his headphones on)
Howard: Those aren't going to help you, Sheldon!
Sheldon: Oh yes, they are. I mean, what?
Quote from the episode The Romance Resonance
Leonard: I get that you feel bad about all the attention, but still what you did is amazing. We're really proud of you.
Amy: I'm not.
Sheldon: You're not?
Amy: Sheldon, I've been thinking about it and you're right. You don't deserve any credit. All you did was misread some numbers on a table. A very easy table, too. Honestly, I'm embarrassed for you.
Sheldon: That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.
Penny: Damn it, everyone's better at this than me.
Sheldon: Congratulations, Dr. Fowler. You just made the fort.
Quote from the episode The Expedition Approximation
Bernadette: Speaking of new careers, how are things going with dark matter, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, I have to say it's the most exciting time in the history of the field.
Bernadette: Oh, what's going on?
Sheldon: I started doing it.
Quote from the episode The Septum Deviation
Sheldon: Wow, I don't know which hurts more. My nose or my heart.
Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect
Leonard: Howard brought a date?
Sheldon: A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward.
Quote from the episode The Panty Pinata Polarization
Sheldon: *On computer screen* Greetings, hamburger toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you heart various things. Well, this recorded message is alerting you that I am putting an end to your parasitic piggybacking upon our WiFi. If you want to remedy the situation you can contact the phone company, set up your own WiFi and pay for it, or you may apologize to me.
Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary
Sheldon: (to Leonard, who has decided to give up on Penny) Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted, smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so you don't crash into Geek Mountain again.
Quote from the episode The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition
Sheldon: Do those sound like castanets to you?
Leonard: The box says 'kitchen'.
Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write 'cocaine' on the box?
Quote from the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture
Sheldon: You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition? Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?
Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative
Sheldon: Now to the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. Now here's Uranus!