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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: I have an eidetic memory. I don't what his (Raj's) problem is.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: Ten years ago upon first seeing me, your husband claimed that I looked like C3P0 and Peewee Herman. And he called me C3Peewee Herman.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: To this day I still get a monthly copy of "Granny on Granny". Which other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page is complete filth.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: Remember the old days when I would point out that your check engine light is out?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Well, get ready to stroll down memory lane. Penny, your check engine light is on.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Sheldon: Leonard, could you wrap it up? We're waiting on you.
Penny: I'm sorry, is the fact my life's falling apart interfering with your board game?
Sheldon: It is.
*Sheldon goes back into the apartment*
Sheldon: You were wrong, Friend Howard. She completely understood.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Howard: What now?
Sheldon: I have to go to the bathroom.
Howard: You just went to the bathroom.
Sheldon: But I didn't use it because it didn't seem safe. Despite all my emails, the toilet didn't have a seatbelt.
Howard: Well, it still doesn't.
Sheldon: I realize that but safety concerns went out the window two apple juices ago.

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Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Howard: I'm an astronaut and you know it. You just don't like admitting it because you're jealous.
Sheldon: Well, truth be told, as a child I did dream of going to space. Those astronauts were my heroes. And when you got to go, it was hard for me.
Howard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Because it showed made me realize they'll just send anyone up there.

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Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship if I don't tell her how disappointed I am and how I'll never forgive her.

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Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Howard: Anyway, she broke up with him and she's basically been alone ever since. She never said it, but I always felt I was the reason why.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Although, based on your story, you absolutely were the reason why.

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Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: My point is you're going to need to be careful. You used to be protected by your pre-enlightenment mythology. But now you're going to need a stronger friend, named latex.
Mary: Are you having the sex talk with me?
Sheldon: Well someone has to.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
Sheldon: No, don't look to him. He's mad at you right now.

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Quote from the episode The Indecision Amalgamation

Sheldon: I also was certain HD-DVD would win out over Blu-ray.
Amy: How old were you then?
Sheldon: Old enough to know better!

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Quote from the episode The Indecision Amalgamation

Sheldon: And now that I think about it. I stood in front of a case of iPods and I bought a Zune.
Amy: What's a Zune?
Sheldon: Exactly! It's an MP3 people brought to us by the makers of Xbox.

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: It suggests I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas.

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: This seemed so elegant at the time, but now I realize I was just a dumb country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: As hard as this is I have to move on. I can't keep postulating multi-dimensional entities and get nothing in return. I have needs too!

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon: Why do we have a geology book? Leonard, did you throw a children's party while I was in Texas?

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Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

Sheldon: Amy's sick.
Leonard: Aww, what's wrong with her?
Sheldon: Well, she talks a lot. Always wants to hold hands.
Leonard: That's not what I meant.
Sheldon: Well, if you were referring to her illness, your question should have been "What ails her?"
Leonard: What ails her?
Sheldon: Oh, who knows.

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Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

Penny: Why would they lie to us?
Sheldon: That's a good question.
*Sheldon knocks three times on the restaurant window* Amy and Bernadette! [x3]
Sheldon: Why did you lie to us?

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Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

Penny: Hey, maybe the answer to your career question is in one of these.
Sheldon: Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that's solves life's problems and that's an Oreo. Or a nutterbutter if you're in a pinch.

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Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

Penny: Fine, I'll go. *Reads fortune cookie* "People turn to you for guidance and wisdom." Hey, that's a good one.
Sheldon: No, it's not.
Penny: How's it not good?
Sheldon: Turn to you for wisdom? Clearly that cookie is mocking you. ... You'd never hear that sass from a nutterbutter.

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Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

Sheldon: If I wanted to waste my time on nonsense, I'd follow Leonard on Instagram.

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Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

Sheldon: You know what this is? And I reserve this word for those instances when it's truly reserved. This is malarkey.

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Quote from the episode The Proton Transmogrification

Amy: Watching your old friend?
Sheldon: Yes. Look at him, Amy. It's such a shame. Struck down in the prime of my life.

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Quote from the episode The Proton Transmogrification

Sheldon: Amy, mourning the inevitable is a complete waste of time.
Amy: And watching a bunch of goofy space movies you've seen a hundred times isn't?
Sheldon: If we were in a physical relationship, you've just lost sex tonight.

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Quote from the episode The Gorilla Dissolution

Sheldon: Oh, I'll make English Breakfast tea. They destroyed your culture, that's close enough.

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Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Sheldon: I see. You're putting your future bride's happiness above mine.
Leonard: Well, yeah!
Sheldon: Wow.

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Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Amy: Here, I made you some Strawberry Quik.
Sheldon: I have real problems here, Amy. I can't be mollified with a beverage designed for children. *Takes a sip* Mmm, yummy.

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Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Amy: You know, this might work out for the best. You're always complaining about what a terrible roommate Leonard is. Like how he turns up the thermostat when you're not there.
Sheldon: Euck, it's like walking into the Amazon. And not the good Amazon with one-day shipping, the awful one with birds and snakes.

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Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Amy: Maybe you'll like living alone.
Sheldon: Perhaps.
Amy: And if you don't, maybe you and I could live together.
Sheldon: Oh, sure! While we're at it, why don't we get engaged, too? Why don't we get a little house, start a family, enjoy our sunset years together? Do you hear yourself woman?!

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Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Sheldon: I'm helping you get back on your feet. I would like to purchase this comic book, please.
Stuart: It'll be $2.99.
Sheldon: Really? It's soaking wet.
Stuart: Fine, $1.

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