Althea: Fill these out.
Leonard: Thank you. We'll be right back.
Althea: Oh, take your time. I'll just finish my crossword puzzle. Oh wait.

Sheldon: We just leave the house on Friday night, and we return in the wee hours emotionally wrung out from the work of convincing Leo to go back into rehab.
Leonard: So he goes back into rehab?
Sheldon: Yes. But he can relapse if Penny ever invites us to go hear her sing again.
Leonard: You still told her I lied.
Sheldon: For a noble purpose, to spare me the social embarrassment of having a drug-addled first cousin, which I'm assuming is embarrassing, yes?
Leonard: I don't know. How am I supposed to remember all of this?
Sheldon: That's the best part. You don't have to. See, I told Penny that you would be embarrassed if you knew that she found out that you had lied. So she's agreed to operate as if the original lie was still in force.
Leonard: So she's expecting me to lie about going to a symposium in Pasadena, when in actuality we're pretending to go to a drug intervention in Long Beach?
Sheldon: Un-unravelable.

Sheldon: One-on-one? We don't play one-on-one. We play teams, not one-on-one. One-on-one!

Sheldon: We were annihilated by our own incompetence and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command.
Leonard: Sheldon, let it go.
Sheldon: No, I wanna talk about the fact that Wolowitz shot me in the back.
Howard: I shot you for a good reason. You were leading us into disaster.
Sheldon: I was giving clear, concise orders.
Leonard: You hid behind a tree yelling, "Get the kid in the yarmulke! Get the kid in the yarmulke!"

Leonard: I'm gonna invite her (Penny) over. We'll have a nice meal and chat.
Sheldon: Chat? But we don't chat, at least not off-line.

Leonard: Do you really need the Honorary Justice League of America Membership card?
Sheldon: It's been in every wallet I owned since I was five.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: It says keep this on your person at all times. It's right here under Batman's signature.

Penny: Howard, would you like to explain to me why your Facebook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned: "Me and My Girlfriend"?
Howard: Uh oh, here comes "The Talk"!
*Penny tries to blow up Howard's head.*

Sheldon: Whoever's her partner will be hamstrung by her lack of experience, not to mention-
Penny: Ha-ha! There goes your head again.
Sheldon: Okay, it's not good sportsmanship to shoot somebody who's just re-spawned. You need to give them a chance to-
Now, come on!

Sheldon: Oh boy.
Penny: What now?
Sheldon: Well, while there's some value to taking multivitamins, the human body can only absorb so much. What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.
Penny: Well, maybe that's what I was going for.
Sheldon: Well, then you would want some manganese.

Sheldon: My equations, someone's tampered with my equations.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Sheldon: Of course I'm sure. Look at the beta function of quantum chromodynamics. The sign's been changed.
Leonard: Oh, yeah. But doesn't that fix the problem you've been having?
Sheldon: Are you insane? Are you out of your mind? (looking at board) Are you--? Hey, look, that fixes the problem I've been having.

Mary: Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully, He blessed me with two other children who are dumb as soup.

Sheldon: A cuba libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge in it.
Penny: Then swim to cuba.
Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.

Howard: See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day, you'll have good luck.
Penny: No, you won't.

Dr. Gablehauser: Now that's impossible, you must have had him when you were a teenager.
Mary Cooper: Oh, aren't you sweet. His father's dead.

Sheldon: Today, I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, to... You know, that other guy.
Howard: Antonio Salieri?
Sheldon: Oh God, now even you're smarter than me.