Stuart: Hey, what's up?
Raj: I'm here to put the crib together.
Stuart: Ooh, sorry, I already did it.
Raj: Oh, I don't know if you realize this, but I bought that crib.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, I read about that on WhoGivesACrap.com
Raj: Why are you being like this?
Stuart: Because I love Howard and Bernadette and if I want to keep mooching off them, I need to be helpful.

Stuart: Why can't there be four wheels?
Raj: Is this what you do when I'm not here, make really good points?
Stuart: Look, just come in and help me build a baby swing.
Raj: Thank you.
Stuart: If you're hungry you can eat your takeout; nobody touched it.

Leonard: Is the Wi-Fi working for you?
Penny: Uh, hang on. I don't think so, I'm clicking on "One weird trick for a flat belly," but I'm still seeing "Celebrities who look like their pets".

Leonard: Oh, I knew it, Sheldon changed the password.
Penny: Are you sure?
Leonard: Well, the new network name is, "Ha ha ha, now I've got you," so It's either Sheldon or Gargamel from The Smurfs.

Leonard: Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.
Sheldon: Well, powder me in sugar and call me a donut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.

Bernadette: Stuart, you cooked?
Howard: How did you know it wasn't me?
Bernadette: There's only three people in this house, and you'd still be my fifth guess.

Stuart: Hey, Raj.
Raj: Hey, Stuart. What are you doing here?
Stuart: Oh, I'm living here again.
Raj: Do, uh, Howard and Bernadette know? Or is it like a possum in the walls kind of thing?

Stuart: No, I needed a place to stay and, with the baby coming, I figured they could use some extra help.
Raj: Okay, cool.
Stuart: Anyway, come on in, dinner's ready.
Raj: Oh, but I bought Chinese takeout.
Stuart: Oh, okay.Well, if Bernadette wants her ankles to swell up even more, she can have that.

Sheldon: Oh! Remember when we got this at Comic-Con?
Leonard: Oh, yeah. The Mr. Spock cuckoo clock.
Clock: Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper.
Sheldon: It's one of a kind.
Penny: So if it breaks there'd be none of it?

Sheldon: Well, Leonard, you know, who should keep this? On the one hand, I love Mr. Spock more than you do. On the other hand, I care more about clocks than you do.
Leonard: So you think you should keep it?
Sheldon: I'll be right across the hall. You'll probably be able to hear it.
Leonard: Keep the clock, Sheldon.
Penny: Thank you.
Amy: Thank you?

Leonard: You know what, Sheldon, take it. In fact, you can have everything. I really don't care.
Sheldon: Are you sure? These items represent our shared times together.
Leonard: Well, now they're yours.
Penny: Leonard.
Leonard: Well, you know what's gonna happen. He's just gonna come up with some reason why everything should be his.
Sheldon: For a man so good at predicting my moves, how come you stink at 3-D chess?

Leonard: You know what? There is one thing I would like.
Sheldon: Yeah, take whatever you want.
Leonard: I would like to keep the official flag of our apartment.
Sheldon: But you don't even like flags.
Leonard: Yeah, I like this one.
Sheldon: But I designed it.
Leonard: But you made me order it because you were "too well-known" in the flag community and they'd jack up the price.
Sheldon: But you don't even understand its symbolism.
Leonard: Oh, I do. The-the field of blue represents you being miserable, and the lion sticking its tongue out means I'm happy about it.

Bernadette: Stuart, you didn't have to get us a baby gift.
Stuart: Oh, just homemade coupons for things you might need help with before the baby gets here. Going to the grocery store, driving you to the doctor. If you're not in a hurry, I can dig you a koi pond.
Bernadette: A foot massage?
Stuart: And that's not me being creepy, that's for either of you.

Stuart: Uh, now that you mention it can I live here?
Bernadette: Stuart, we'd love to help you out, but this a bad time; we're about to have a baby.
Stuart: Or is that why this is a great time? Think about it. When that baby comes, you're gonna need all the help you can get.
Bernadette: Thank you, but I'm not really sure.
Howard: Hang on, maybe it's not the worst idea. I mean, he did do a good job taking care of my mother.
Stuart: That woman didn't get heat rash once with me on powder patrol.

Bernadette: Hey, I guess you could stay for a few days and we'll see how it goes.
Stuart: Thank you. And it's only temporary, just till I get back on my feet. Or the baby goes off to college, whichever happens first.