Ramona Nowitzki: Hey, did you eat yet?
Sheldon: Uh, breakfast yes, lunch no. I did have a cough drop, but that really rides the line between sucking and eating.

Penny: So, uh, Randall, can't believe after all these years you finally get to visit me in California.
Randall: Well, good thing I was a nonviolent offender, otherwise I couldn't have left the state.

Leonard: Mary, I'm sorry you're in the middle of this.
Mary Cooper: No, no, nothing to be sorry about. I genuinely like your father.
Sheldon: What? But he's a mediocre academic. And according to Beverly, his sexual prowess is subpar. He's basically Leonard with a bigger prostate.

Wyatt: It's nice to meet the woman who raised this fine young man. I'm looking forward to meeting his father.
Beverly Hofstadter: Prepare to be disappointed.

Howard: Anyway, this is Leonard and Sheldon. The three of us came up with the guidance system.
Leonard: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Howard: And this is my friend, Raj.
Raj: Oh, I'm not on the patent. I'm just here because there's a bumblebee in my office.
Leonard: I saw it. It's big.

Leonard: So, what are you guys gonna do today?
Amy: Well, Sheldon was supposed to go to this party with me this afternoon, but I don't think that's happening.
Sheldon: Oh, that was never happening.

The Flash: Here, it's on the house.
Sheldon: The first one's free? Flash, how do you stay in business?
The Flash: You want to know my secret? I bought stock in Marvel.

Sheldon: Are you okay? Oh, I'm fantastic, never been better. I had my first energy drink and I feel great. Hey, you guys want to wrestle? We can do arm, thumb, mud, sumo. Nah, we're not fat enough, or wearing diapers.

Sheldon: Yeah, but what happens when we each get a peek behind the curtain? I mean, she's never even seen me unshaven.
Leonard: You just shaved yesterday. You're good for three months.

Sheldon: Well, if you are so protective of the scientific method, perhaps we should use the next five weeks to finish what we started.
Amy: Well, for science, maybe I will!
Sheldon: For science, maybe you should!
Amy: Fine!
Sheldon: Fine!
Amy: Good.
Sheldon: Great.
Amy: Do you want to go to our place and make out?
Sheldon: Does Stephen Hawking roll through the quad?

Penny: Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!

Sheldon: Do you know what else I love about you?
Stuart: Hmm?
Sheldon: Your handwriting is impeccable!
Stuart: Thank you for noticing!
Sheldon: No, I mean it. I mean it. It's like you have the soul of a label maker.

Howard: Are we there yet?!
Bernadette: Soon.
Howard: Why is it taking so long?!
Raj: Howard, Howard, look at the DVD screen. I put on Batman: The Animated Series. Your favorite!
Howard: I'm in too much pain (Batman music starts playing) to watch cartoo-- Oh! This is a good one.
Raj: I've been babysitting him way longer than you have.

Leonard: And that is how a short asthmatic scientist landed a stone-cold fox.

Amy: Well, thank you, Sheldon. This is a fun surprise.
Sheldon: Oh, well, the real surprise is how surprised you are that I'm great at surprises.
Amy: Well, that's not a surprise at all. I mean, if I knew you were good at surprises, I would have expected the surprise, and therefore not have been surprised. But as it is, I didn't know, and therefore my surprise should be unsurprising.
Sheldon: Don't get me all randy. Guests are on the way.