Sheldon: It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.

Sheldon: Come along, Amy. I know when I'm not wanted.
Amy: I don't think you do, but alright.

Leonard: You're good at revenge; how do we get him back?
Penny: Well, my go-to move is usually sleep with the person's boyfriend, but I kind of feel like I'm already doing that.

Raj: Hey, this pregnancy had an emotionally-needy third wheel way before you came along.

Sheldon: He's expecting a newspaper in the morning. Apparently, they still make them.

Sheldon: Who leaves their bike in the hallway? You know, if I knew how to ride one, I'd steal it.

Amy: You know, Sheldon, maybe if you take the time to actually read Bert's research, you'd be less bitter about him winning.
Sheldon: You want me to read a geology paper?
Amy: Honestly, I just want you to be quiet, but I'm all out of taffy.

Howard: I've worked with Hawking. He's got a great sense of humor. And I think he'd like it.
Bernadette: Okay, call him and show him. I dare you.
Howard: I have no problem calling him.
Bernadette: Fine, then do it.
Howard: Fine, I will.
Bernadette: While you're bothering the world's most famous scientist, be sure to show him how funny he looks getting stuck under our dishwasher.

Sheldon: I can't believe I was surpassed by a geologist. I mean rocks! He studies rocks! If rock is so great, how come paper beats it?

Sheldon: Everything is stupid and I want to go home.
Leonard: That's Sheldon's way of saying he's proud of Bert, too.

Amy: Bert is studying the way microbes in rocks can survive in extreme environmental conditions.
Leonard: They say it could be a potential indicator of life on other planets.
Penny: You know what, I've met Bert. Isn't he an indicator of life on other planets?
Sheldon: You used to make those jokes about me. Now everything's Bert, Bert, Bert.

Amy: Sheldon, I'm not ready to have a baby.
Sheldon: Oh, yes, you are! I track your cycle. For the next 36 hours you're as fertile as a manure-covered wheat field.
Amy: Wow. I can actually feel the egg crawling its way back up.

Sheldon: How much will it hurt?
Amy: It's just a tiny skin sample. You saw me do it to myself.
Sheldon: On a scale of one to ten, where one is a pebble in your shoe and ten is the monkey you thought was your pet biting your face off.
Amy: A two.
Sheldon: Eating a whole Altoid?

Bernadette: Still, I can't believe you can turn ordinary skin cells into functioning brain cells.
Amy: Well, I turned this one into a functioning boyfriend, so sky's the limit.

Raj: Oh my god, I just got it. Fun onions. Funyuns. Hahahaha!